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If it weren't for the fact the main character is about as interesting as my dishwater, this may qualify as the most hilariously bad TV I've ever seen. And I don't mean season 3 of Supernatural or Dollhouse in its entirety, which were just incredibly offensive bad but the potential to have been good with someone else holding the reins was buried in there somewhere, but just incredibly bad. The absolute best part is that, if you watch it on Netflix streaming, you get an introductory disclaimer about how the gratuitous sex and violence IS ART TOTALLY FOR ART. It somehow made it worth it, because it put me in the mood to laugh everytime "THIS IS ARTISTIC" was on my screen.
Oh, I cheated through most of the battle and sex scenes, and just watched out of the corner of my eye. (I love me some action scenes involving sharp pointy things, but these were just dull.)
Where do I start?
Spartacus and his wife have sex in slo-mo so that we know their love is epic and true and pure and will cross continents. The social climbing villain and his scheming (blonde, naturally) wife have dirty tent!sex. (Spartacus and his wife have slomo cave!sex but it's Meaningful Artistic Sex With Deep Symbolism. Right down to her pausing mid-sex to look at his sword, conveniently sticking out of the ground at a perfect 90 degree angle. It killed me) Only one of the two couples seems to have the potential to be interesting at all.
In his first scene in the Flashback of Epic Manpain that takes up most of the episode, Spartacus proposes genocide. In his next scene, he says genocide is bad. When he's running to save his wife from being raped by the Romans, he announces his presence by throwing his sword at her head from behind her. (See, this, I think, is evidence of the True And Epic Bond Of Eternal Love they share, because she knows to look back and duck, just like it let him know she was conveniently miles away from their village at the time.) Anyway, I think I hate him.
The battles all have that uberpretentious slomo thing going, too, and every time someone gets hit, a stream of blood flies out. The climax of the Super Important Isn't Spartacus The Most Awesome Thing Ever fight at the end involves what appears to be a literal explosion of ketchup. At one point in the Flashback of Epic Manpain, Spartacus and the other Thracians appear to literally run into the beginning of Gladiator. No, seriously, I think a lot of the shots are almost exact copies. Ridley Scott should scold.
Also, while Spartacus's wife telling him to "kill them all" is better than "comeback to me" or "don't die" (ok, don't die can be good, depending on how it's done) Lucy Lawless saying "I'll hold the knife" when John Hannah says he'll see his enemies dead is wayhotter better. As near as I can tell, Lawless, Hannah, and Blondie are the only interesting things about the show so far. Also, Lucy Lawless is the only woman to keep her clothes on. I'm sure that'll only last about 5 minutes into the next episode, though.
I seem to have agreed to an episode a night until we catch up or our brains die in self-defense. Save me.
Oh, I cheated through most of the battle and sex scenes, and just watched out of the corner of my eye. (I love me some action scenes involving sharp pointy things, but these were just dull.)
Where do I start?
Spartacus and his wife have sex in slo-mo so that we know their love is epic and true and pure and will cross continents. The social climbing villain and his scheming (blonde, naturally) wife have dirty tent!sex. (Spartacus and his wife have slomo cave!sex but it's Meaningful Artistic Sex With Deep Symbolism. Right down to her pausing mid-sex to look at his sword, conveniently sticking out of the ground at a perfect 90 degree angle. It killed me) Only one of the two couples seems to have the potential to be interesting at all.
In his first scene in the Flashback of Epic Manpain that takes up most of the episode, Spartacus proposes genocide. In his next scene, he says genocide is bad. When he's running to save his wife from being raped by the Romans, he announces his presence by throwing his sword at her head from behind her. (See, this, I think, is evidence of the True And Epic Bond Of Eternal Love they share, because she knows to look back and duck, just like it let him know she was conveniently miles away from their village at the time.) Anyway, I think I hate him.
The battles all have that uberpretentious slomo thing going, too, and every time someone gets hit, a stream of blood flies out. The climax of the Super Important Isn't Spartacus The Most Awesome Thing Ever fight at the end involves what appears to be a literal explosion of ketchup. At one point in the Flashback of Epic Manpain, Spartacus and the other Thracians appear to literally run into the beginning of Gladiator. No, seriously, I think a lot of the shots are almost exact copies. Ridley Scott should scold.
Also, while Spartacus's wife telling him to "kill them all" is better than "comeback to me" or "don't die" (ok, don't die can be good, depending on how it's done) Lucy Lawless saying "I'll hold the knife" when John Hannah says he'll see his enemies dead is way
I seem to have agreed to an episode a night until we catch up or our brains die in self-defense. Save me.