no, where it went wrong was when i asked you to stop, more than once and you took it as a request to escalate, and then to border on mocking. Usually if our debates/argument/whatever proceed to the point where it upsets me(which is extremely rare), we stop. This time you kept going even after I asked you to stop. That's why I said oblivious, because normally if it gets anywhere near this point you pick up on it and we stop, and that's also why I asked if you were picking a fight. And, since we had moved on to other things last night, I had assumed we were through with the subject for the time being, as opposed to being prepared for it to be brought up first thing in the morning(for me) the way it was.
You weren't coming across as wanting to discuss our beliefs/opinions but of(as I stated in the IMs) being flat out right and my opinion being wrong and asking me to state(again) my opinion felt like it had a "so I can tell you why it's wrong" tacked on to the end, as opposed to "tell me so we can talk about it and review our different opinions" as it usually is.
I kept asking you to stop because it WAS upsetting me and it WAS starting to be a full out fight, and I did not(and do not) WANT to spend all my time bickering with you because there are too many other, more pleasant things we can spend our IMing time doing.
We ALWAYS fight/debate/bicker(debate just sounds nicer...) whatever and normally not only does it NOT bother me(like last night) but it's usually enjoyable(and you've indicated you enjoy it as well) but today it felt like you were dismissing my opinions and feelings and it felt like it was bordering on cruelty. Maybe the subject itself is something you feel more personally about than usual, or maybe, as you said, I'm having a bad day(I don't know, the comment was actually the start of my day as I generally check email just after getting up and it had just come in) but normally its very clear that despite our differing opinions, we're ONLY talking about our opinions and it has nothing to do with our liking and respecting each other(which, as far as I know, is still the case) but in both the comment and IMs it felt like I was under attack and it wasn't directed to my opinion, but to me, and the fact that the IMs DID move in that direction didn't help. The line you mentioned is something we normally never even get close to, and we've gone on before far, far longer than we did today, and it's certainly never before reached this point, and I never would have thought it would, to be honest(and hopefully, it's not a permanent rift thing)
If I'm coming across as being too touchy, maybe it was just how it was presented, or maybe we're both having off days, it's just that I asked you to stop and you didn't. And if I DIDN'T value your friendship and opinion, it wouldn't matter to me at all because then I'd just ignore you/block you/whatever(btw, I was cutting chicken for lunch when you signed off AIM earlier and never heard it beep). But the fact that I do is a large part of why it has me upset.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2007-05-08 10:24 pm (UTC)You weren't coming across as wanting to discuss our beliefs/opinions but of(as I stated in the IMs) being flat out right and my opinion being wrong and asking me to state(again) my opinion felt like it had a "so I can tell you why it's wrong" tacked on to the end, as opposed to "tell me so we can talk about it and review our different opinions" as it usually is.
I kept asking you to stop because it WAS upsetting me and it WAS starting to be a full out fight, and I did not(and do not) WANT to spend all my time bickering with you because there are too many other, more pleasant things we can spend our IMing time doing.
We ALWAYS fight/debate/bicker(debate just sounds nicer...) whatever and normally not only does it NOT bother me(like last night) but it's usually enjoyable(and you've indicated you enjoy it as well) but today it felt like you were dismissing my opinions and feelings and it felt like it was bordering on cruelty. Maybe the subject itself is something you feel more personally about than usual, or maybe, as you said, I'm having a bad day(I don't know, the comment was actually the start of my day as I generally check email just after getting up and it had just come in) but normally its very clear that despite our differing opinions, we're ONLY talking about our opinions and it has nothing to do with our liking and respecting each other(which, as far as I know, is still the case) but in both the comment and IMs it felt like I was under attack and it wasn't directed to my opinion, but to me, and the fact that the IMs DID move in that direction didn't help. The line you mentioned is something we normally never even get close to, and we've gone on before far, far longer than we did today, and it's certainly never before reached this point, and I never would have thought it would, to be honest(and hopefully, it's not a permanent rift thing)
If I'm coming across as being too touchy, maybe it was just how it was presented, or maybe we're both having off days, it's just that I asked you to stop and you didn't. And if I DIDN'T value your friendship and opinion, it wouldn't matter to me at all because then I'd just ignore you/block you/whatever(btw, I was cutting chicken for lunch when you signed off AIM earlier and never heard it beep). But the fact that I do is a large part of why it has me upset.