Hikkatsu! Strike A Blow to Vivify Vol 1
Nov. 17th, 2007 02:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meganbmoore Ok, let's get something straight about me readingthis book, the back cober reads:
In Earth's distant future, geomagnetic abnormalities make every day a struggle to survive. The Human race faces its greatest threat--not from aliens, meteors or global warming, but ordinary, everyday appliances! With even the most basic of machine going haywire, one man holds the hope of Earth in his hands: karate student Shota, who can beat any appliance into submission with his Repair Blow technique!
The back cover shows the heroine attacking a vending machine with a pigeon sitting on her head.
Does anyone REALLY think I'm reading this for high quality plot or storytelling? Or even characterization? I shall now begin.
In Earth's distant future, geomagnetic abnormalities make every day a struggle to survive. The Human race faces its greatest threat--not from aliens, meteors or global warming, but ordinary, everyday appliances! With even the most basic of machine going haywire, one man holds the hope of Earth in his hands: karate student Shota, who can beat any appliance into submission with his Repair Blow technique!
The back cover shows the heroine attacking a vending machine with a pigeon sitting on her head.
Does anyone REALLY think I'm reading this for high quality plot or storytelling? Or even characterization? I shall now begin.
We begin with our hero, Shota(aged...6? 7?) using karate to save the honor of his dojo, only to get swatted aside by his master afterwards, with Sensei saying "How many times must I tll you not to use your karate for fighting!!?" which prompts Emo Tears in our pint sized hero and his apparently renouncing karate by throwing down his belt and fleeing so he can ponder the True Meaning of Karate, gaining Understanding whn he sees a shop manager use a karate chop to fix TV reception.
We are now 10 years later with Non-Pint Sized Shota destroying machines in his house in what appears to be abtarctica or something. We apparently get only 3 pages of Shota and what appears to be his Emo Snowy Solitude as it is time for our Pigeon Raised Heroine to demand her ramen from the Thieving Vending Machine as people tell her to flee. The bird on her head seems remarkably unphased by all this.
And now she is TALKING TO HER PIGEON FAMILY in a flashback about how it's time to leave home and find the love of her life. They apparently understand each other. Her name is Momoko. Shota appears and saves her from the Thieving Vending Machine by destroying it with a Single Blow, causing Momoko to declare him The Love of Her Life. Sadly, he is resisting, as she follows him home(well...to a junkyard...I wait the return of the emo Snowy Solitude), chattering all the way, not getting so much as a groan in return.
Ah, I see...he is collecting heaters to take home to his Fortress of Emo Snowy Solitude, because fixing them is part of his training. He, of course, Emo-ly tells her she can't follow him, because if she does, she'll die. Momoko is In Love and not to be taken so lightly.
MOMOKO SHALL FOLLOW HER TRUE LOVE TO THE TOP OF MT. FUJI IN HIS SNOWY FORTRESS OF EMO SOLITUDE EVEN IF IT KILLS HER!!!!
Only to watch him destroy all the poorheaters...poor, frozen Momoko...
He is eternally practicing his One Shot No-Fail Repair Blow, spawning an explanation of his techno-repair martial arts. For this, I have no words.
And now, whilst searching the Snowy Fortress of Emo Solitude, she has found the Black Belt of Emo Failure, prompting more Emo Near-Silence and training.
I. HAVE. NO. WORDS. Farewell, poor Snowy Fortress of Emo Solitude. The "Solitude" part was rather done for, anyway.
It is time formore cchildhood flashbacks.
SENSEI HAS BEEN MURDERED BY A RAMPAGING BACKHOE! Poor Pint Sized Shota.
...
...
...
NO WORDS.
DYING SENSEI KILLED BY ONE SHOT NO-FAIL REPAIR BLOW! SHALL IT ALSO FELL MOMOKO AS SHOTA EMOLY FLASHES BETWEEN THE PAST AND PRESENT?!!??!?!
*whew*
Hello new crater at Momoko's feet.
HE MADE MOUNT FUJI ERUPT BY CREATING THE CRATER!!!!
ERUPT! AT! THEIR! FEET!
But now the mountain training is complete! He can wear the belt again! And begin the real training!
And now, Chapter 2.
Mmoko has scary fantasies. I'm only on page 73 and I can appreciate that.
NOW SHOTA SHALL FACE THE REAL WORLD! HE SHALL USE THE REPAIR BLOW TO FIX BROKEN APPLIANCES!
Not.
No Shota, no one will lend you appliances to practice on after watching your destroy a dozen.
Momoko is stealing defective toys from shady street vendors for Shota to practice on. It is True Love.
I WANT TO KEEP SHADY STREET VENDOR!!! CAN I KEEP HIM??? TELL ME I CAN!!!
HIS SISTER WAS IN A CAR WRECK AND MUST HAVE A HEART TRANSPLANT SO NOW HE MUST FIGHT HOODLUMS TO RAISE HER FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!!
He is, of course, a total faker aboutthe sister thing, but who cares.
SHOTA SHAL USE THE REPAIR BLOW TO FIX KANJI'S DISLOCATED SHOULDER!!! IS THIS THE END OF KANJI??
Or Shota shall kick it back into place. And he fixes the broken toy with the Repair Blow.
Shota, I am so proud of you.
BAH! We don't get to see Shota vs. Hoodlums fight.
And now...Chapter 3.
Apparenent the One Shot No-Fail Repair Blow works but once.
BUT sHOTA SHALL OT GIVE UP! He will now try to use the Repair Blow to fix a Giant Bus.
Kanji shall now pimp out the Repair Blow. Shota shall now attempt to repair a Sex Robot. Meanwhile, poor, forgotten Momoko has been gathering appliances for Shota. It is True and One Sided Love.
But Momoko has seen Shota with the Sex Robot and has Misunderstood and now her heart is Shattered. In staggering detail.
And now she is divorcing Shota. Apparently he has enough of abrain o realize someting is Wrong.
And now Momoko's bus is out of control and Shota has destroyed the Sex Robot. BUT FEAR NOT! SHOTA IS OFF TO FIX THE BUS!
I'm sure it shall work, as a heroine who was raised by pigeons is too valuable a commodity to off in the first volume.
"MOMOKO! It'll be ok! I'l smack this bust into shape!"
It is love.
THE MAKEUP SCENE IS A THING OF UTTER GLORY!
Momoko's heart has been fixed. Oh, andthe bus.
WHO IS THIS BEAR DRESSED MASKED MAN??
CHAPTER 4!!
NINJA GIRL HAS SEEN THE NEWS REPORT AND NOW CAN ENACT HER LIFELONG REVENGE AGAINST SHOTA!
And we are keeping Kanji! Yay!
Shota longs for the danger of the Lawless Lands. It calls to him.
"SECRET FIST OF THE PIGEON!! TORPEDO ATTACK ONE LEGGED PIGEON!!"
Do not call her Shota a ciminal.
No words for about 8 pages.
NINJA GIRL HAS ARRIVED FOR REVENGE! SHE IS SENSEI'S DAUGHTER!
NEXT:
SHOTA VS ASUKA! EMO BOY SENSEI KILLER VS VENGEANCE DRIVEN NINJA GIRL! WILL MOMOKO FORGIVE HIM FOR BEING A KILLER? WILL KANJI GET RICH? WIL MY SIDES SURVIVE??? WHAT DO THEY PUT IN THE WATER IN JAPAN??
We are now 10 years later with Non-Pint Sized Shota destroying machines in his house in what appears to be abtarctica or something. We apparently get only 3 pages of Shota and what appears to be his Emo Snowy Solitude as it is time for our Pigeon Raised Heroine to demand her ramen from the Thieving Vending Machine as people tell her to flee. The bird on her head seems remarkably unphased by all this.
And now she is TALKING TO HER PIGEON FAMILY in a flashback about how it's time to leave home and find the love of her life. They apparently understand each other. Her name is Momoko. Shota appears and saves her from the Thieving Vending Machine by destroying it with a Single Blow, causing Momoko to declare him The Love of Her Life. Sadly, he is resisting, as she follows him home(well...to a junkyard...I wait the return of the emo Snowy Solitude), chattering all the way, not getting so much as a groan in return.
Ah, I see...he is collecting heaters to take home to his Fortress of Emo Snowy Solitude, because fixing them is part of his training. He, of course, Emo-ly tells her she can't follow him, because if she does, she'll die. Momoko is In Love and not to be taken so lightly.
MOMOKO SHALL FOLLOW HER TRUE LOVE TO THE TOP OF MT. FUJI IN HIS SNOWY FORTRESS OF EMO SOLITUDE EVEN IF IT KILLS HER!!!!
Only to watch him destroy all the poorheaters...poor, frozen Momoko...
He is eternally practicing his One Shot No-Fail Repair Blow, spawning an explanation of his techno-repair martial arts. For this, I have no words.
And now, whilst searching the Snowy Fortress of Emo Solitude, she has found the Black Belt of Emo Failure, prompting more Emo Near-Silence and training.
I. HAVE. NO. WORDS. Farewell, poor Snowy Fortress of Emo Solitude. The "Solitude" part was rather done for, anyway.
It is time formore cchildhood flashbacks.
SENSEI HAS BEEN MURDERED BY A RAMPAGING BACKHOE! Poor Pint Sized Shota.
...
...
...
NO WORDS.
DYING SENSEI KILLED BY ONE SHOT NO-FAIL REPAIR BLOW! SHALL IT ALSO FELL MOMOKO AS SHOTA EMOLY FLASHES BETWEEN THE PAST AND PRESENT?!!??!?!
*whew*
Hello new crater at Momoko's feet.
HE MADE MOUNT FUJI ERUPT BY CREATING THE CRATER!!!!
ERUPT! AT! THEIR! FEET!
But now the mountain training is complete! He can wear the belt again! And begin the real training!
And now, Chapter 2.
Mmoko has scary fantasies. I'm only on page 73 and I can appreciate that.
NOW SHOTA SHALL FACE THE REAL WORLD! HE SHALL USE THE REPAIR BLOW TO FIX BROKEN APPLIANCES!
Not.
No Shota, no one will lend you appliances to practice on after watching your destroy a dozen.
Momoko is stealing defective toys from shady street vendors for Shota to practice on. It is True Love.
I WANT TO KEEP SHADY STREET VENDOR!!! CAN I KEEP HIM??? TELL ME I CAN!!!
HIS SISTER WAS IN A CAR WRECK AND MUST HAVE A HEART TRANSPLANT SO NOW HE MUST FIGHT HOODLUMS TO RAISE HER FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!!
He is, of course, a total faker aboutthe sister thing, but who cares.
SHOTA SHAL USE THE REPAIR BLOW TO FIX KANJI'S DISLOCATED SHOULDER!!! IS THIS THE END OF KANJI??
Or Shota shall kick it back into place. And he fixes the broken toy with the Repair Blow.
Shota, I am so proud of you.
BAH! We don't get to see Shota vs. Hoodlums fight.
And now...Chapter 3.
Apparenent the One Shot No-Fail Repair Blow works but once.
BUT sHOTA SHALL OT GIVE UP! He will now try to use the Repair Blow to fix a Giant Bus.
Kanji shall now pimp out the Repair Blow. Shota shall now attempt to repair a Sex Robot. Meanwhile, poor, forgotten Momoko has been gathering appliances for Shota. It is True and One Sided Love.
But Momoko has seen Shota with the Sex Robot and has Misunderstood and now her heart is Shattered. In staggering detail.
And now she is divorcing Shota. Apparently he has enough of abrain o realize someting is Wrong.
And now Momoko's bus is out of control and Shota has destroyed the Sex Robot. BUT FEAR NOT! SHOTA IS OFF TO FIX THE BUS!
I'm sure it shall work, as a heroine who was raised by pigeons is too valuable a commodity to off in the first volume.
"MOMOKO! It'll be ok! I'l smack this bust into shape!"
It is love.
THE MAKEUP SCENE IS A THING OF UTTER GLORY!
Momoko's heart has been fixed. Oh, andthe bus.
WHO IS THIS BEAR DRESSED MASKED MAN??
CHAPTER 4!!
NINJA GIRL HAS SEEN THE NEWS REPORT AND NOW CAN ENACT HER LIFELONG REVENGE AGAINST SHOTA!
And we are keeping Kanji! Yay!
Shota longs for the danger of the Lawless Lands. It calls to him.
"SECRET FIST OF THE PIGEON!! TORPEDO ATTACK ONE LEGGED PIGEON!!"
Do not call her Shota a ciminal.
No words for about 8 pages.
NINJA GIRL HAS ARRIVED FOR REVENGE! SHE IS SENSEI'S DAUGHTER!
NEXT:
SHOTA VS ASUKA! EMO BOY SENSEI KILLER VS VENGEANCE DRIVEN NINJA GIRL! WILL MOMOKO FORGIVE HIM FOR BEING A KILLER? WILL KANJI GET RICH? WIL MY SIDES SURVIVE??? WHAT DO THEY PUT IN THE WATER IN JAPAN??
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Date: 2007-11-17 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 12:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 12:21 am (UTC)It is officially known as "Those Who Hunt Elves." It is unofficially known as "CCCCCCRRRRRAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!"
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Date: 2007-11-18 12:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-17 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-18 11:16 am (UTC)You've got to watch those backhoes. One of the buggers took out my phone line for a couple of days last week.
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Date: 2007-11-18 06:39 pm (UTC)Amazing.