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meganbmooreA question of grave import: Why is it that all the strapping young men in this show have their hair at least partly pulled back, yet they STILL have bangs flapping in their faces. Is having hair that flutters in the wind indoors that vital? (The proper answer: YES. Also, I find it hilarious that while the men are running around with hair fluttering in the wind and getting in their faces, all the women have their hair tightly bound up and out of the way.)
Also, if I'm to believe almost every wuxia I've seen, China never had a single competent ruler.
So, let us discuss WUXIA BORGIAS. Because WUXIA BORGIAS are, like, my favorite thing in this series. WUXIA BORGIAS basically goes like this:
KONG LE: Creepy Underling, we must come up with a plan to take over the island fortress to help our master become emperor!
YAN YU: Forget him, he has about 3 brain cells to rub together. Look, that strapping young guy (who’s only about 4 years older than me, but looks about 15 years older due to the miracles of casting) from the island is wandering around the mainland. He’s probably met about three women his whole life. Let me handle this.
MO LE: I am temperamental and quick to jump to conclusions, but I’m a rather strapping specimen (and particularly chiseled for my age at that), look good in blue, and my hair flutters even prettier in the wind than your brothers. Also, I apparently have a thing for women who are smarter and better fighters than me. Particularly teeny plucky ones who talk a lot and have secrets. Though I try really hard to deny that.
YAN YU: Whoa, hormones. Sadly for you, the brother who raised me trumps a hunk I’ve only known a few weeks.
KONG LE: Did I mention this entire plot is my sister’s? Isn’t she wonderfully Machiavellian?
YAN YU: Mo Le, if it helps I actually do feel pretty guilty about this, and will try to make up for it by hiding you and feeding you and saving you a few times.
MO LE: For which I am grateful, but you did hand my home over to the enemy and various other nasty things happened, so I’m going to try to convince myself that I hate you for about lf a dozen episodes.
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS: Which you suck at, BTW. We’ll point that out every chance we get.
KONG LE: Sister, I sense that you possibly love that annoying guy. If you, you really should tell me now.
YAN YU: This smells like a trap.
KONG LE: Because if you do, I’ll just lock him up when I catch him.
YAN YU: Yup, this is definitely that trap smell.
KONG LE: Otherwise, I’ll just kill him.
YAN YU: …
KONG LE: Dang it, now I have to think of ways to get rid of him without hurting him. This may be harder than courting a heroine.
LING SHUANG: One of these days, we’ll have to discuss your definition of “courting.”
*blah blah plot*
KONG LE: AHA! I’ll fake Yan Yu’s death in front of him.
YAN YU: Hey, do I get a say in…whoa, coma that looks like death.
MO LE: Whoa, suddenly I’m almost sobbing and feel my judgment and critical thinking slipping away. Why am I getting like this over the enemy?
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS: We are not explaining this again! Except that we will for about 10 more episodes.
MO LE: I am so depressed that I won’t even think twice when you ask me to take your sister’s corpse halfway across the country to be buried.
KONG LE: Woo! You’re out of the way. Time to assassinate the emperor. WTF do you mean, there were spices in the cart that woke her up early?
*blah blah plot*
KONG LE: Man, I’m tired of waiting for Ling Shuang to come around. I think I’ll just abduct her and force her to marry me. But I will not resort to rape, because rape is bad.
LING SHUANG: Let’s have a discussion about only having sex with a woman after forcing her to marry you in the context of rape.
KONG LE: But I’m certain you’ll come around before that.
MO LE and KONGKONG’ER: Yan Yu! Help!
YAN YU: I disapprove of this forced marriage thing too! And I like her. Let me pretend to be helping him to win her over.
KONG LE: My sister is not throwing a fit over this and is offering to help me. Clearly, this is a trap. Can’t really blame her.
YAN YU: Actually, the fact that you’re familiar with my personality made it pretty clear that you’d see that one, so I actually constructed a totally different plan, knowing you’d be expecting me to tell Mo Le where you hid Ling Shuang.
KONG LE: This is annoying. And I brought my troops, too.
YAN YU: Conveniently leaving your camp and supplies barely protected, ripe for being demolished by the enemy army.
KONG LE: … Overkill much? Are you that upset about the fake suicide?
YAN YU: And the abduction and attempted forced marriage. How dare you crush my childhood ideas of you having some honor like that!
KONG LE: … OK, point. Of course, now I’m totally on the emperor’s bad side. Maybe we should encourage that kid of his who likes you so much.
YAN YU: Ick!
KONG LE: But I thought you liked him a bit? Also, don’t you want to be empress?
YAN YU: No way! Off to plot my escape.
KONG LE: This marriage is a political necessity and I’m sure you’ll like him after a bit. Also, if you run away, I’ll kill your nanny.
YAN YU: I hate you!
KONG LE: Uhm…did I go too far this time?
WANG NANNY: Look, sweetie, I didn’t just change your diapers, I changed his too. Do you really think he’s going to kill the woman who changed his diapers.
YAN YU: Point!
KONG LE: Note to self: in the future, do not use threatening to kill the woman who changed your diapers to get your way. It’s not a particularly believable bluff. Look, Yan Yu, if you’re really that desperate and dislike him so much, just run away. I’ll even try not to complain too much if you run to Mo Le.
YAN YU: There’s that “trap” smell again.
KONG LE: No, seriously. You>>ambition. Though, you running off after you’re betrothed to the prince kinda makes us traitors.
YAN YU: …
KONG LE: I’ll take care of it through! At least we don’t have any other family he can order to commit suicide.
YAN YU: Fine! I’ll stay!
KONG LE: What? No, seriously, go.
YAN YU: I like your head where it is so I’ll marry the creep!
CREEPY SIDEKICK: Wow, Boss, that was smooth. You got her right where you want her.
KONG LE: Shut up! I meant it!
CREEPY SIDEKICK: Uhm…what?
KONG LE: Look, sometimes I’m evil and Machiavellian without trying to be, ok? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go feel like the world’s worst brother in private.
MO LE: Yan Yu! I was getting disgustingly drunk in the forest over this engagement thing until KongKong’er pointed out that maybe you’re being forced into it. I’m totally up for rescuing you here. Actually, please ask, because I’m pretty sure having to have that pointed out to me gained me a cabin in Loserville.
YAN YU: Wow, that Imperial Officer armor looks pretty good on you. Sadly, I have to decline the offer of a rescue, much as I’m inwardly dancing at the gesture. You and my brother may hate each other, but I like both of your heads right where they are.
KONG LE: MO LE! Run away with her! I don’t want to live beside you in Loserville over this. Take our nanny too, just in case.
MO LE: I am deeply suspicious.
KONG LE: Even I have a soul! Also, if I ever suspect that my sister is the teeniest bit unhappy because of you, I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and eviscerate you. Now, I’m going to study my fingernails for about half an hour to give you a head start, and then I’m telling the emperor that you kidnapped her, so that you’re the only one to lose a head if this goes bad.
I love their devious minds and 95% healthy relationship so very very much.
Non-WUXIA BORGIAS stuff:
-Only in wuxia do people jump off a cliff while strapped to a giant red kite and confess their love while the thwarted bridegroom’s henchmen are shooting at them.
-I will now attempt to explain the romantic tangle, which is actually easy to follow while you watch:
1. Mo Le and Yan Yu are in love. Their’s is A Love That Cannot Be because she is the younger sister of his enemy and helps him in his plots. As a result:
2. Trying really hard to pretend he doesn’t love her and thinking they’d never be able to be together anyway, he’s engaged to his childhood friend, Zhi Fen, at the recommendation of their elders. In addition:
3. Zhi Fen loves Mo Le but knows he loves/likes Yan Yu, though she doesn’t realize it’s reciprocated until after they’re engaged. She’s on the Love That Cannot Be boat. On the other hand.
4: Ling Shuang and KongKong’er are in love and got their act together quicker than other people. However:
5. At their betrothal dinner, it was discovered that KongKong’er is the believed-dead-since-infancy son of Mo Le’s uncle, Duan. Cheers! Except that he was betrothed to Duan’s buddy’s daughter at birth (Because they Were born on the same day! These wuxia parents…) and since he’s alive, she may be too, which mean:
6. Ling Shuang and KongKong’er now share A Love That Cannot Be, too. While trying to find out what happened to the baby girl:
7. They learn that Yan Yu and Kong Le’s father is the one who stole the baby girl, and Yan Yu was conveniently adopted that same night, and so:
8. Now everyone thinks that Yan Yu and KongKong’er were betrothed at birth. (Actually, I’m certain we’ll learn that Ling Shuang is the missing girl, and Yan Yu is actually the nanny’s daughter.)
9. And lest we forget, Kong Le is also in love with Ling Shuang (though probably less actual love and more respect/forbidden fruit/thinks she’s hot) and rather, uhm, aggressive about it, and the creepy prince wants to marry Yan Yu.
I sense at least 1 narrowly avoided Wedding of Wrong in the remaining 8 episodes.
And, seriously, anywhere else, and those shenanigans would make me walk. But in wuxia? Bring it.
-While I don’t, narratively, have problems with Mo Le getting engaged to Zhi Fen, because it makes sense given that (a) most would consider her the “smarter” choice, (b) they were both being encouraged by their elders, and in particular, his aunt was really into the idea, and © for very good reasons, he thought Yan Yu was never going to be a possibility, and he does love Zhi Fen, even if it’s more as a sister (actually, I’m pretty sure they would have eventually married and he would have been fine with it if he hadn’t met Yan Yu, though his love would have always been platonic) I’m going to be mad if they “fix” it by killing Zhi Fen to clear the way for Yan Yu/Mo Le. But I loved the scene where KongKong’er called Mo Le on getting engaged to one girl while in love with another, and how that was only going to hurt Zhi Fen in the long run.
-Still not thrilled with Ling Shuang suddenly changing to more “girly” clothes as soon as she realized she was falling in love, especially since it was quickly followed by the abduction plot. I mean, in terms of entertainment, that abduction plot was a blast, but I see that “badass leader of armies turned Damsel In Distress Once In Love” thing you did there, show. At least she seems to have reverted to something a lot closer to her original wardrobe now.
-You know, if it weren’t for KongKong’er’s extreme tunnel vision, he and Mo Le would be pretty slashy. (Actually, Mo Le is almost as bad, he‘s just in denial.)
I still feel the need to picspam this show, and should get right on that.
Also, if I'm to believe almost every wuxia I've seen, China never had a single competent ruler.
So, let us discuss WUXIA BORGIAS. Because WUXIA BORGIAS are, like, my favorite thing in this series. WUXIA BORGIAS basically goes like this:
KONG LE: Creepy Underling, we must come up with a plan to take over the island fortress to help our master become emperor!
YAN YU: Forget him, he has about 3 brain cells to rub together. Look, that strapping young guy (who’s only about 4 years older than me, but looks about 15 years older due to the miracles of casting) from the island is wandering around the mainland. He’s probably met about three women his whole life. Let me handle this.
MO LE: I am temperamental and quick to jump to conclusions, but I’m a rather strapping specimen (and particularly chiseled for my age at that), look good in blue, and my hair flutters even prettier in the wind than your brothers. Also, I apparently have a thing for women who are smarter and better fighters than me. Particularly teeny plucky ones who talk a lot and have secrets. Though I try really hard to deny that.
YAN YU: Whoa, hormones. Sadly for you, the brother who raised me trumps a hunk I’ve only known a few weeks.
KONG LE: Did I mention this entire plot is my sister’s? Isn’t she wonderfully Machiavellian?
YAN YU: Mo Le, if it helps I actually do feel pretty guilty about this, and will try to make up for it by hiding you and feeding you and saving you a few times.
MO LE: For which I am grateful, but you did hand my home over to the enemy and various other nasty things happened, so I’m going to try to convince myself that I hate you for about lf a dozen episodes.
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS: Which you suck at, BTW. We’ll point that out every chance we get.
KONG LE: Sister, I sense that you possibly love that annoying guy. If you, you really should tell me now.
YAN YU: This smells like a trap.
KONG LE: Because if you do, I’ll just lock him up when I catch him.
YAN YU: Yup, this is definitely that trap smell.
KONG LE: Otherwise, I’ll just kill him.
YAN YU: …
KONG LE: Dang it, now I have to think of ways to get rid of him without hurting him. This may be harder than courting a heroine.
LING SHUANG: One of these days, we’ll have to discuss your definition of “courting.”
*blah blah plot*
KONG LE: AHA! I’ll fake Yan Yu’s death in front of him.
YAN YU: Hey, do I get a say in…whoa, coma that looks like death.
MO LE: Whoa, suddenly I’m almost sobbing and feel my judgment and critical thinking slipping away. Why am I getting like this over the enemy?
ALL OF HIS FRIENDS: We are not explaining this again! Except that we will for about 10 more episodes.
MO LE: I am so depressed that I won’t even think twice when you ask me to take your sister’s corpse halfway across the country to be buried.
KONG LE: Woo! You’re out of the way. Time to assassinate the emperor. WTF do you mean, there were spices in the cart that woke her up early?
*blah blah plot*
KONG LE: Man, I’m tired of waiting for Ling Shuang to come around. I think I’ll just abduct her and force her to marry me. But I will not resort to rape, because rape is bad.
LING SHUANG: Let’s have a discussion about only having sex with a woman after forcing her to marry you in the context of rape.
KONG LE: But I’m certain you’ll come around before that.
MO LE and KONGKONG’ER: Yan Yu! Help!
YAN YU: I disapprove of this forced marriage thing too! And I like her. Let me pretend to be helping him to win her over.
KONG LE: My sister is not throwing a fit over this and is offering to help me. Clearly, this is a trap. Can’t really blame her.
YAN YU: Actually, the fact that you’re familiar with my personality made it pretty clear that you’d see that one, so I actually constructed a totally different plan, knowing you’d be expecting me to tell Mo Le where you hid Ling Shuang.
KONG LE: This is annoying. And I brought my troops, too.
YAN YU: Conveniently leaving your camp and supplies barely protected, ripe for being demolished by the enemy army.
KONG LE: … Overkill much? Are you that upset about the fake suicide?
YAN YU: And the abduction and attempted forced marriage. How dare you crush my childhood ideas of you having some honor like that!
KONG LE: … OK, point. Of course, now I’m totally on the emperor’s bad side. Maybe we should encourage that kid of his who likes you so much.
YAN YU: Ick!
KONG LE: But I thought you liked him a bit? Also, don’t you want to be empress?
YAN YU: No way! Off to plot my escape.
KONG LE: This marriage is a political necessity and I’m sure you’ll like him after a bit. Also, if you run away, I’ll kill your nanny.
YAN YU: I hate you!
KONG LE: Uhm…did I go too far this time?
WANG NANNY: Look, sweetie, I didn’t just change your diapers, I changed his too. Do you really think he’s going to kill the woman who changed his diapers.
YAN YU: Point!
KONG LE: Note to self: in the future, do not use threatening to kill the woman who changed your diapers to get your way. It’s not a particularly believable bluff. Look, Yan Yu, if you’re really that desperate and dislike him so much, just run away. I’ll even try not to complain too much if you run to Mo Le.
YAN YU: There’s that “trap” smell again.
KONG LE: No, seriously. You>>ambition. Though, you running off after you’re betrothed to the prince kinda makes us traitors.
YAN YU: …
KONG LE: I’ll take care of it through! At least we don’t have any other family he can order to commit suicide.
YAN YU: Fine! I’ll stay!
KONG LE: What? No, seriously, go.
YAN YU: I like your head where it is so I’ll marry the creep!
CREEPY SIDEKICK: Wow, Boss, that was smooth. You got her right where you want her.
KONG LE: Shut up! I meant it!
CREEPY SIDEKICK: Uhm…what?
KONG LE: Look, sometimes I’m evil and Machiavellian without trying to be, ok? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go feel like the world’s worst brother in private.
MO LE: Yan Yu! I was getting disgustingly drunk in the forest over this engagement thing until KongKong’er pointed out that maybe you’re being forced into it. I’m totally up for rescuing you here. Actually, please ask, because I’m pretty sure having to have that pointed out to me gained me a cabin in Loserville.
YAN YU: Wow, that Imperial Officer armor looks pretty good on you. Sadly, I have to decline the offer of a rescue, much as I’m inwardly dancing at the gesture. You and my brother may hate each other, but I like both of your heads right where they are.
KONG LE: MO LE! Run away with her! I don’t want to live beside you in Loserville over this. Take our nanny too, just in case.
MO LE: I am deeply suspicious.
KONG LE: Even I have a soul! Also, if I ever suspect that my sister is the teeniest bit unhappy because of you, I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and eviscerate you. Now, I’m going to study my fingernails for about half an hour to give you a head start, and then I’m telling the emperor that you kidnapped her, so that you’re the only one to lose a head if this goes bad.
I love their devious minds and 95% healthy relationship so very very much.
Non-WUXIA BORGIAS stuff:
-Only in wuxia do people jump off a cliff while strapped to a giant red kite and confess their love while the thwarted bridegroom’s henchmen are shooting at them.
-I will now attempt to explain the romantic tangle, which is actually easy to follow while you watch:
1. Mo Le and Yan Yu are in love. Their’s is A Love That Cannot Be because she is the younger sister of his enemy and helps him in his plots. As a result:
2. Trying really hard to pretend he doesn’t love her and thinking they’d never be able to be together anyway, he’s engaged to his childhood friend, Zhi Fen, at the recommendation of their elders. In addition:
3. Zhi Fen loves Mo Le but knows he loves/likes Yan Yu, though she doesn’t realize it’s reciprocated until after they’re engaged. She’s on the Love That Cannot Be boat. On the other hand.
4: Ling Shuang and KongKong’er are in love and got their act together quicker than other people. However:
5. At their betrothal dinner, it was discovered that KongKong’er is the believed-dead-since-infancy son of Mo Le’s uncle, Duan. Cheers! Except that he was betrothed to Duan’s buddy’s daughter at birth (Because they Were born on the same day! These wuxia parents…) and since he’s alive, she may be too, which mean:
6. Ling Shuang and KongKong’er now share A Love That Cannot Be, too. While trying to find out what happened to the baby girl:
7. They learn that Yan Yu and Kong Le’s father is the one who stole the baby girl, and Yan Yu was conveniently adopted that same night, and so:
8. Now everyone thinks that Yan Yu and KongKong’er were betrothed at birth. (Actually, I’m certain we’ll learn that Ling Shuang is the missing girl, and Yan Yu is actually the nanny’s daughter.)
9. And lest we forget, Kong Le is also in love with Ling Shuang (though probably less actual love and more respect/forbidden fruit/thinks she’s hot) and rather, uhm, aggressive about it, and the creepy prince wants to marry Yan Yu.
I sense at least 1 narrowly avoided Wedding of Wrong in the remaining 8 episodes.
And, seriously, anywhere else, and those shenanigans would make me walk. But in wuxia? Bring it.
-While I don’t, narratively, have problems with Mo Le getting engaged to Zhi Fen, because it makes sense given that (a) most would consider her the “smarter” choice, (b) they were both being encouraged by their elders, and in particular, his aunt was really into the idea, and © for very good reasons, he thought Yan Yu was never going to be a possibility, and he does love Zhi Fen, even if it’s more as a sister (actually, I’m pretty sure they would have eventually married and he would have been fine with it if he hadn’t met Yan Yu, though his love would have always been platonic) I’m going to be mad if they “fix” it by killing Zhi Fen to clear the way for Yan Yu/Mo Le. But I loved the scene where KongKong’er called Mo Le on getting engaged to one girl while in love with another, and how that was only going to hurt Zhi Fen in the long run.
-Still not thrilled with Ling Shuang suddenly changing to more “girly” clothes as soon as she realized she was falling in love, especially since it was quickly followed by the abduction plot. I mean, in terms of entertainment, that abduction plot was a blast, but I see that “badass leader of armies turned Damsel In Distress Once In Love” thing you did there, show. At least she seems to have reverted to something a lot closer to her original wardrobe now.
-You know, if it weren’t for KongKong’er’s extreme tunnel vision, he and Mo Le would be pretty slashy. (Actually, Mo Le is almost as bad, he‘s just in denial.)
I still feel the need to picspam this show, and should get right on that.