So, making the rounds today is the news that a group of people had a gropefest at a con, and wants to make this a regular thing at conventions.
Reactions to this are all over the place.![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rachelmanijamentions a few of them here.
Now...ok, if people want to engage in consentual groping, that's fine with me. To each their own. My opinion on that is about like my opinion on PDA with any couple: I have no problems with couples of any gender combination kissing in front of me. Why would I? But when you move past the kissing to the fondling and/or groping, I'd really just as soon you do it in private and not in front of me, ok? (And yes, for all that I will often go "would you just shut up and heva sex already!" and similar things to fictional pairings, I really would usually rather they do it off screen/page, and yes, I really am being honest when I say I usually skim/skip those parts of romance novels.)
The problem I really have, there, is the idea that it's freeing or liberating or something to have a complete stranger walk up and grope you. I can say from plenty of personal experience that NO, IT IS NOT FREEING OR LIBERATING OR REALLY ANYTHING OVERLY PLEASANT AT ALL WHEN A COMPLETE STRANGER OR CASUAL ACQUAINTANCE WALKS UP AND STROKES A PART OF YOUR BODY!
For those of you who don't know, I have very long hair. My hair apparently has magnets in it, as anytime it's past my shoulders(currently waist length) people tend to walk up and stroke it. The last time it was shoulder length was when I was 18. Before that it was almost elbow length. I like my hair. I like having long hair. I am lazy and so rarely do anything with it beyond brush it out. My hair is NOT a part of the public domain, yet people like to walk up and stroke it. Some of you may recal a few months ago, when the apt. manager's mother got up from the office an came around to stroke my hair.
Now, the feeling isn't entirely unpleasant, but if you aren't my mother, grandmother, a little old lady or under the age of ten, I DO NOT WANT YOU TOUCHING AND STROKING MY HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION! The fact that I have long and loose hair does NOT make it a part of the public domain. "You have pretty hair" is a perfectly acceptable way of admiring my hair that does not invade my personal space and involve touching without permission.
Similarly, if you want to tell me I'm a beautiful person, just say it. Being a stranger and walking up to me and touching my breasts and walking off is most definately NOT going to give me the feeling that you think I'm a beautiful person and that you admire me even if you don't know me. It's going to make me think you're a pervert who gets his jollies with public molestation. If I see you walking around and groping women, I'm not going to think you're expressing your admiration, I'm going tot hink you get a thrill with getting away with doing the forbidden in public and getting away with it.
Also, I feel compelled to point out that it's called "The Open-Source Boob Project." It's supposed to be for men AND women, but I don't see a movement for men to wear buttons indicating whether or not they want complete strangers to walk up and grab their crotches in public, and then walk off. Mind you, I want to see it about as much as I do the other. But the onesidedness in what's being endorsed there pretty much kills the argument that it's not about reducing women to being a pair of breasts that are there for enjoyment.
ETA: He has editted the post with a clarification that has to be seen to be believed, and all the comments have magically disappeared.
Also,the_red_shoeshas a great post with many good links on the subject here. Go read.
Reactions to this are all over the place.
rachelmanijamentions a few of them here.Now...ok, if people want to engage in consentual groping, that's fine with me. To each their own. My opinion on that is about like my opinion on PDA with any couple: I have no problems with couples of any gender combination kissing in front of me. Why would I? But when you move past the kissing to the fondling and/or groping, I'd really just as soon you do it in private and not in front of me, ok? (And yes, for all that I will often go "would you just shut up and heva sex already!" and similar things to fictional pairings, I really would usually rather they do it off screen/page, and yes, I really am being honest when I say I usually skim/skip those parts of romance novels.)
The problem I really have, there, is the idea that it's freeing or liberating or something to have a complete stranger walk up and grope you. I can say from plenty of personal experience that NO, IT IS NOT FREEING OR LIBERATING OR REALLY ANYTHING OVERLY PLEASANT AT ALL WHEN A COMPLETE STRANGER OR CASUAL ACQUAINTANCE WALKS UP AND STROKES A PART OF YOUR BODY!
For those of you who don't know, I have very long hair. My hair apparently has magnets in it, as anytime it's past my shoulders(currently waist length) people tend to walk up and stroke it. The last time it was shoulder length was when I was 18. Before that it was almost elbow length. I like my hair. I like having long hair. I am lazy and so rarely do anything with it beyond brush it out. My hair is NOT a part of the public domain, yet people like to walk up and stroke it. Some of you may recal a few months ago, when the apt. manager's mother got up from the office an came around to stroke my hair.
Now, the feeling isn't entirely unpleasant, but if you aren't my mother, grandmother, a little old lady or under the age of ten, I DO NOT WANT YOU TOUCHING AND STROKING MY HAIR WITHOUT PERMISSION! The fact that I have long and loose hair does NOT make it a part of the public domain. "You have pretty hair" is a perfectly acceptable way of admiring my hair that does not invade my personal space and involve touching without permission.
Similarly, if you want to tell me I'm a beautiful person, just say it. Being a stranger and walking up to me and touching my breasts and walking off is most definately NOT going to give me the feeling that you think I'm a beautiful person and that you admire me even if you don't know me. It's going to make me think you're a pervert who gets his jollies with public molestation. If I see you walking around and groping women, I'm not going to think you're expressing your admiration, I'm going tot hink you get a thrill with getting away with doing the forbidden in public and getting away with it.
Also, I feel compelled to point out that it's called "The Open-Source Boob Project." It's supposed to be for men AND women, but I don't see a movement for men to wear buttons indicating whether or not they want complete strangers to walk up and grab their crotches in public, and then walk off. Mind you, I want to see it about as much as I do the other. But the onesidedness in what's being endorsed there pretty much kills the argument that it's not about reducing women to being a pair of breasts that are there for enjoyment.
ETA: He has editted the post with a clarification that has to be seen to be believed, and all the comments have magically disappeared.
Also,
the_red_shoeshas a great post with many good links on the subject here. Go read.