I apparently own 2 Cassie Edwards books

[meganbmoore]

[Poll #1125368][Poll #1125368]

If anyone wants them, I'm open to bribes. Unless one of them is the one that smillaraaqwants to rip into. She has dibs if one is that book. Please to be noting that that my reading them detracts from time that could be spend on good books, manga, comics, anime, dramas, and FUN bad books. I'd say "do you really want me to suffer through them just so you can vicariously enjoy the badness?" but I know you would all revel in my torment. I require convincing to read, though. At least a bit. Or bribes. I'm always open to bribes.

ETA: I would have used check boxes or a text box, but I suspect they would be abused.

ETA 2: Why do I suspect The Dark Schreider Icon of Denial will get a lot of use in the near future?

ETA 3:  Due to the demands of lesbiassparrow and calixa, I will now provide the teaser excerpt on the first page of Savage Dream.

 Maria looked up at Shadow again, questioning him with her eyes.  Why, oh, why couldn't she fight him?  She should  show some sort of protest, yet she  could not.  A side of her that she had never known before would not allow her to deny him...

 Her pulse raced as his face drew closer, her eyes became wild, her knees weak.  She did not truly want to feel this need that ate away at her heart.  never in her life had she been rendered so helpless.

 A sensual tremor coursed through Maria at the first contact of his mouth on her lips.  A throaty moan frightened her when it rose from deep inside her.  The pleasure of his kiss was so profound and the touch of his hands, now bcupping her breasts through the soft buckskin blouse, was so beautifully sweet.  Never in his wildest dreams had she thought any man could steal away her ability to think.

But it was happening.

I should note that any typos are mine, as I'm typing this up from the books mysself.

Comments

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

So much wrongness that I cannot even come up with decent mockery. How does this woman have fans? Howwww?

[laura-holt-pi.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! The pulsating, inappropriate adjectives. Oh the corruscating wrongness! These are works born of untamed idiocy and indomitable fluff-headedness!

I wonder if the Chippewa and Navajo have grounds to sue.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

There is...ah...an addition to the post, now...

Sadly...I doubt they do.

[laura-holt-pi.livejournal.com]

Blimey!

I change my vote. Read no more! Burn them now, before your eyes explode in self-defence!

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

The scary thing is that I actually did read a couple in high school(and haven't read native american romances since) and know how bad they really are.

[southerndave.livejournal.com]

The suggestion that you read a couple of them implies that you began the second one in full knowledge of how awful the writing was...

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Or that I was young and impressionable, and did not yet realize that "good" and "popular" were not synonymous, and thus assumed that a bad book was a fluke.

[shediao.livejournal.com]

My first reaction on seeing this entry" "Great ideas for crack AU fanfics."

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I think most fanfic writers are better than this. If you've read my fanfic rantsm tou know that's major.

[shediao.livejournal.com]

The concepts, I mean, as opposed to the writing. A while back some LJ-ers thought up ideas of purposefully bad Bleach romance fics. They were hilarious, too bad I didn't save the entries.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

I checked off "Burn them" because there was no fill-in-the-blank option, but it's not really the method I'd choose as smoke rises to heaven and this crap is *not* the sort of message that needs sending. Personally, I'd vote for shredding them to mix into compost, or putting them into a paper recycling program, to give a little something back to the poor trees whose lives were wasted to produce them.

And thanks for checking, alas, neither of those is the one I'm hunting for; I'm out to get Savage Honor (oh, the irony of the title, it burns ussss), her late-1700s Seneca book. The Smart Bitches have already found that one's riddled with thefts from historian and folklorist Arthur C. Parker; I'm cynical enough to wonder if she stopped there, and am ready and willing to turn my stomach poring over the damn thing so I can run it against some of the more obscure small-press/academic/vintage Iroquoisana on my shelves.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I may yet have it. I swear I saw a third one yesterday. There are a couple boxes of "get rid of them one way or the other" books in my closet. There might be one there.

[wistfulmemory.livejournal.com]

While I'm usually against the abuse of books, I had to choose burn them as the teaser excerpt you provided was too horrifying to let survive any longer than you have to.

Never in his wildest dreams had she thought any man could steal away her ability to think.
I find the typo in this sentence amusing...

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

heh...

Whoops. And yet...I think it makes it less painful. My brain cells were busy dying at the time.

Recycle them

[estara.livejournal.com]

I hope the US also has this: don't read them, put them into the used paper bin and recycle them, that way they actually become useful. Those trees didn't ask to become Edwards books.

/end of snark

Re: Recycle them

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Yeah, i forgot to include the recycle option.

[kingcrankycat.livejournal.com]

I read the first books description and (literally) fell out of my chair laughing. I didn't read further for the sake of my sanity.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Awww...you missed the part in the second book about how he would teach her submission as his cherished squaw...

[kingcrankycat.livejournal.com]

Gracie must be worried about me, I keep bursting into random laughter.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really, really hope there's a passage like that in SH; the sheer LOLarity of an Iroquois man thinking he ought to be able to boss women around will go a long way towards making up for the pain of her prose...

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

SH is about a crossdressing girl who grew up as a boy whose mother is accused of witchcraft and she is abducted by a chieftain who wants to punish her family for introducing his noble warriors to alcohol and ruining them.

The cover artist is of the school of thought that believes romance novel readers would rather see a nekkid woman on the cover than a nekkid man.

[smillaraaq.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've seen that online already. The cover artist (or to be fair, whatever art/marketing/etc. director chose the artist and the models and such) also seems to be of the school of thought that says if you have a Caucasian cover model, all you need to do to make him look Indian is give him long, dark hair and slap on a lot of bronzer. Although that seems to be true of most of the Indian romances out there, really: if I *ever* see one where the cover model looks more like Rodney Grant or Adam Beach than Fabio-with-a-heavy-tan, I might just have to buy the stupid thing just on general principles.

The character names, OTOH, are all Edwards' fault, and the hero's is rather goofy -- although since the heroine's moniker also seems a little improbable for the time and place, there's at least an odd sort of fairness there. I will admit to a sort of morbid curiosity as to whether the rest of the Indian cast have equally Hollywood-translation-sounding names, and the rest of the Anglo characters have names that sound like they're straight from a soap opera, or if she just does that sort of thing to make the central couple more Speshul.

So far the one thing I can see that she *has* gotten right, well not counting the passages she didn't write herself, is having alcohol as a huge factor in social turmoil in that era; it was a serious destabilizing factor in Iroquois society of the late 1700s. I'm just really, really freakin' grateful that she at least set this thing a few years before a new religious movement started addressing those problems; if she were throwing in the Gai'wiio as background color to one of her Mighty Savage Wangfests, my already-astronomical level of outrage would just rocket right off the freakin' charts.

[surgingshark.livejournal.com]

*facepalm*

[fmanalyst.livejournal.com]

Is there any plagiarism in these two?

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. They're from 1997 and 1983, and so a little older than the ones that've been gone over, I think. If I end up reading/skimming/whatever them, I'll be posting odd sounding bits to LJ.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

My brain. It hurts.

Also, Lorinda????

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Hey, you aren't the one who typed them up. I'm sure the post has even more typos than usual for me, but it's too painful to go back and look.

[chomiji]

That is some putrid prose ... .

I like smillaraaq's idea about composting them. Short of that, if you pull them apart at the spine into sections no thicker than a magazine, you ought to be able to recycle them (hmmm ... it looks like they'd come closest to mixed office paper at this recycling center in your town).

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

There's about 700 pages of that prose not 5 feet away from me...

[chomiji]

Oh! Well, then you could recycle all of it!

;-)

(On a more serious note, did you ever read Dorothy Dunnett's "Lymond Chronicles"? I was reminded of it because the final part of the 6 volumes has an example of that kind of purple romantic stuff done right. But you get 6 volumes of angst, politics, and derring-do leading up to it, so the rich, sugary little chunk makes a good dessert, instead of choking you as an entire meal.)

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I have had Dunnett recced to me before, but never seem to see her sitting on the shelves.

[isweedan]

No Megan, no! Don't hurt yourself :(
They're too horrifying to read so I suggest using them to make paper maché or confetti- burning is too honorable an end.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

You are in the minority of not wanting me to hurt myself, I fear.

[isweedan]

Cruelly curious people!

They sound bad enough to do you irreversible mental damage if you read them now that you're all grown up. And that'd be...bad.

[pirateginny.livejournal.com]

Here via calixa. Honestly? I think you should mat and frame the worst pages. They're exquisitely awful.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Yes. I looked through them a bit before work today. Braincells died.

[fivil.livejournal.com]

Browse through them for oddly scientific-sounding bits that are more or less likely to be extremely plagiarised off a nature magazine or something.

And then burn etc.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what I plan to do, and post it. That and report on the amazingly awful stuff.

[fenrir-khan.livejournal.com]

But once torn from his hot, demanding embrace, she hungered again for his blazing caress, and lived to retrieve his smoldering passion.

Someone get a fire extinguisher... and clobber the 'author' with it, pretty please.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I believe they have, in the form of a likely-pending lawsuit.

[fenrir-khan.livejournal.com]

That's going too soft on someone who inflicted horrendous ~*~literature~*~ on the world.