And so, as I go through the last prepacked booksale box...

[meganbmoore]

...that hadn't been sorted yet because a quick glane before told me there was nothing interesting inside, I find a book titled Smart Women, Foolish Choices with the subtitle Finding the Right Men, Avoiding the Wrong Ones. Written by, of course, two men. The back of the book indicates it's all about teaching women how to tailor themselves to have relationships with the right kind of man, as do chapter titles and subtitles.

But you know, I realize I can be overly sensitive when it comes to such things, so I went to read Amazon reviews.

Until I read this book I did not realise that I had emotional needs I was expecting another person to meet. These needs overpowered my judgement when chosing the right guy. I also had misconceptions on what a good relationship was supposed to be like. I thought feeling anxious was normal.

The book teaches you that your emotional needs are bad, and shouldn't be a consideration in your relationships?

This is a valuable book on how to gage erroneous, futile mechanisms and thought processes that keep women in hopeless mindsets and equally hopeless relationships. These two licensed professional counselors are men themselves, and their experience and professional knowledge bring much enlightenment to the mystery of men's behavior in relationships. I highly recommend this book to those who have been led to falsely believe that all men are commitment-phobic slugs and want validation to seek emotionally mature men that embrace confident, mature women for what they bring to the union. It offers tips on how ladies can come into their own power and to take assured chances with the opposite sex. Very concise, easy to read and well-written.

Nope, not men telling women how to gain power, or make themselves into what men want. Really.

I felt that the book as a whole was biased. The book suggests that women set lower standards in order to find the man of their dreams. The book also diminishes the mother's crucial role in raising children and implies that the decision to have children lies solely with the woman.
I felt that the book was contradictory. On one hand, it tells women the type of men to avoid and what type of woman is most desirable to men. On the other hand, it says that the smart woman who has learned from her past mistakes "may have served to narrow her vision and opportunities." Perhaps smart women are too much of a challenge for a real man.

I love you, reviewer.

Two on one particular subject:

While a woman's inclination with a man she likes is to go ahead and call, send a card, things like that . . . it just ins't a good idea in a dating relationship. Although I would not say the authors advocate manipulation or games, this one piece of advice could not have been stated better. I've seent this advice in other places, and tossed it aside, thinking . . . I'd rather not play games. They back it up with solid scientific reasoning.

The book starts out okay, talking about games and insecurities and poor outcomes, but then goes on to advocate manipulation.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I want to read something that tells me to not be myself, and hide my intentions....

I...I really wish I could find anything that indicates it might be ok for a woman to not have a man, or for a man to adapt for a woman.

For that matter, are there any books out there that tell men how to tailor themselves to snag the "right kind of woman" and what women to avoid, and tell them that they're sabotaging themselves?

[Poll #1290566]

Comments

[coraa.livejournal.com]

"They back it up with solid scientific reasoning."

Yes! It's all SCIENCE! SCIENCE is why women have to pretend to be other than they are, and play at not wanting what they want, and not being proactive! SCIENCE!

!!

(Icon aimed at the book and some of its reviewers, obviously, not you.)

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

It ttttooooouuuuucccchhhhhheeeeeedddddd mmmmmmeeeeeeeee!!!!!

(Couldn't it at least pretend to be something other than "Women should tailor themselves to be what men like me want!")

[fairest1.livejournal.com]

If I wanted scientific background to help with my dating, I'd hit on Bill Nye first.

(he's not bad on the eyes, more than his share of brains, good with kids, steady income . . .)

[wasabi-girl1.livejournal.com]

I'm optimistic and not very sensitive to possible sexism, so I say give it a try. It'll probably suck anyway, because I think most dating books do, but still...

[fivil.livejournal.com]

God all relationship guidebooks are such bogus, I swear to god. Okay, maybe that's an unreasonable generalization but still. Then again, most of these books themselves are based upon unfair generalizations about genders, how people from different genders behave etc etc and how they should behave and just. Eurgh. I don't have much dating experience at all but these books make me not want to enter that at all.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can already tell this one has specific ideas about "The right kind of man" and how women should act to get one.

[bzoppa.livejournal.com]

*jumps in randomly*

I don't think they're bogus to people who are seeking those kinds of guidelines. To me, those guidelines siphon people into existences where they can become part of the herd and find their mate and live in the suburbs raising 2 and a half kids with a white picket fence and a dog.

I used to think that's what I wanted. Actually, I always knew that I was strange, but for years I kept trying to put my strange square peg into this round hole where I never fit.

[bzoppa.livejournal.com]

I think you should read it, so you can give us all the benefit of its wisdom. (I think chances are, most of your flist are not the audience for that book.)

Tempered with a lot of your snark.

[mycenae.livejournal.com]

For that matter, are there any books out there that tell men how to tailor themselves to snag the "right kind of woman" and what women to avoid, and tell them that they're sabotaging themselves?

Well, there's the MTV show "The Pick Up Artist," which gives dorky guys make-overs and then teaches them how to attract women with the cunning use of feather boas.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Interesting tactic, given how we're conditioned to view men with feather boas...

[southerndave.livejournal.com]

... not to mention demons with feather boas...

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

It's his tail!

[lotuseyes.livejournal.com]

>.> just from the description and the reviews I think its possible i've never been more insulted? I mean my relationship isn't perfect, but kyle has always told me he likes it when I give him tokens of how I feel (txt messages and such) because then he has something go back to when he's feeling down or angry.

bleh burn it and salt the earth you burned it upon.

[kingcrankycat.livejournal.com]

I know I absolutely LOVE it when women screw with my head and play games with my emotions. I also HATE it when women repress their feelings and leave me wondering how they actually feel -- emotions are bad, m'kay? Clearly this is a MUST READ book for all women.

*rolleyes*

I suggest you hold onto it until the colder days of winter, it will probably make great kindling. Evil this dark burns extremely well.

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Earlier, I was trying to think of any male I know who's voiced an opinion one way or the other on the subject, and had a fairly universal "die mindset die" outcome.

[lesbiassparrow.livejournal.com]

What I never understand about all of these 'change yourself to get a man! do it now!' books is what you are supposed to do once you've got him and end up having to reveal the true you. Surely there will be massive issues, especially if the real you is in no way a good pair for him?

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I think you're supposed to be so happy to have snagged the all-important male that you magically become the fake you.

[narugami.livejournal.com]

Seems this book is largely predicated on the writers' definition of "the right man". :P What if the reader doesn't want the type of guy who expects his partner to repress her emotional needs for him?

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

Most things involving women with the right/wrong man seem to revolve around the idea that women just don't appreciate the speaker enough.

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Interestingly enough, right when this came up on my flist, my iPod started playing William Shatner's "Ideal Woman."

[meganbmoore.livejournal.com]

I'm not familiar with that song. Would I want to be?

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Yes. It's hilarous.

http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/william_shatner/ideal_woman/

It's one of those things were his tone makes it -it's totally clear that he's in on the joke of what he's saying.

[fairest1.livejournal.com]

I selected the last and not the first because I think the authors should be set on fire; it's not the book's fault. Poor thing; before the publisher decided to accept this dreck, it could have been a cherished classic.

[shiegra.livejournal.com]

KILL IT WITH FIRE.