Of Swords and Parasols

 I watched Bollywood's latest Shah Rukh Khan/Kajol offering today. (Technically yesterday now, but whatever.) I can't necessarily say that it was GOOD, but it was pretty entertaining.  The trailer sells the plot as a bad boy who falls for a good girl and pushes her away "for her own good," only to be reunited with her 15 years later, but the only thing about that that's accurate is lovers getting reunited after 15 years. Without involving spoilers, the ACTUAL backstory and plot are much more interesting, and used a lot of tropes I like.  It's mostly for existing SRKajol fans, really, and has a lot of nods to their previous movies.

Instead of the trailer (because it's only exciting for "Oh! New SRKajol movie!) have the video for Gerua, aka, Bollywood's latest attempt at trying and failing to find a color that Kajol doesn't look good in. (Gorgeous musical number, really, but I'm convinced she challenged the costume designer to try to make her look bad for Suraj Hua Maddham in KKKG and they've been trying and failing ever since.) There isn't an embed-able version yet, so have a link: http://youtu.be/2zoIA42nJJc

RareWomen is live (for, like, 10 hours now). I wrote a Marnie Madden fic for The Hour (I hate my title, but thanks to feedback from betas, I think I managed to fix most of the problems I was having with it. Much as I love Marnie, I learned that she is not an easy character to write.) and received an excellent post-canon fic for the 2011 gothic horror movie The Awakening.

In other news, this evening I watched Water, part of Deepa Mehta's "Elements" trilogy (the rest of which i intend to watch in the next week or so). Set in 1938, it's about Chuyia, an 8-year-old girl who is a widowed child bride and is sent to an ashram for Hindu widows by her family, where she bonds with a middle-aged widow, Shakuntala, and befriends Kalyani, another widow who is forced to prostitute herself to bring money to the ashram, and who eventually falls in love with Narayan, a Brahmin who is a follower of Gandhi. While the romance is an important part of the plot, it's very secondary (I think John Abraham has about 20-25 minutes screentime total) and the main focus is on the lives and relationships of the widows. I thought a lot of it was excellent, but that a couple of rather triggering things at the end weren't actually necessary to get the point across.

Trailer:






ETA: This sheds some very different light on Water though: http://www.sevenoaksmag.com/commentary/81_comm4.html

Only one of which I actually watched in the last month, I think.

The Fall: So, the next time I watch a movie with really bright colors, exceptionally creative costumes, random extreme crack and it's extremely enjoyable at first glance then increasingly iffy the more you think about it, I'm just going to assume it's a Tarsem Singh movie. (I mean, I'll be wrong most of the time if I do that, but I'm at 3-for-3 there with his movies, so...) I recall this being pretty big in my circles when it was new and kept meaning to watch it and then forgetting. Despite almost yelling "STOP TRAUMATIZING THE CHILD!" every few minutes (often in conjunction with "Who makes up this kind of story for a 5-year-old anyway?") and going "WTF?" at about 3/4 the developments in Roy's story (often followed by "uhm...no..." and maybe "Dude, why are you a stuntman? G write books.") I enjoyed this, though I'm not sure how much I'll like a rewatch. Also, the little girl who played Alexandria was possibly the most adorable and realistic kid to ever appear in a Hollywood movie.

Ip Man & Ip Man 2: These movies are basically about 3 1/2 hours of Donnie Yen walking around in a state of kung fu nirvana. Ip Man (or Yip Man) was Bruce Lee's mentor an largely responsible for the spread an popularity of Wing Chun. The movies are well cast an acted (Except: China, why o you keep casting Huang Xiao Ming as a hotheaded teen? The dude's in his mid-30s. Actually, maybe late-30s now. Not that he isn't good and all, but...), but the main raw is the martial arts displays, which are stunning. The first movie is excellent an stands well on its own. The secon is largely a worthy followup an also a good movie, but suffers from a case of trying to outdo it's predecessor, losing some of what made the first work in the process. (In particular, Ip Man's martial arts and personal life aren't as well balanced, and the fight senes rely a bit more of effects and flash, and not quite as much on skill.) The movies are highly redcommended for martial arts fans.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: Pretty obviously an attempt to keep the franchise going before people stop caring and move on, it's largely fun but the characters I was most interested in are gone? (Off being pirate kings and dead/undead.) I think I finished the third movie ready to watch Jack and Barbossa chase each other around the Caribbean for a few hours then had reconsidered that within a couple weeks. But it was fun and I liked Anjelica (Though wasn't big on how her plot ended-hopefully she torments Jack a lot in the next movie. Odd courtship rituals those 2 have. Also, wasn't she supposed to have a pretty noticable scar?) an kin of want to applaud whoever decided that the world needed and angsty forbidden romance between a priest and a mermaid. (Sam Claflin is trying to be in all the epics isn't he?)

Red Cliff: (The almost 5 hour version, not the heavily edited US release.) I had tried watching this a while back but was turned off by the fact that the only woman in the first half hour threw herself doen a well about 5 minutes after the opening credits ended. (I'd been told there were 2 major female characters who were excellent and believed what I was told, but lacked the patience to wait for them.) The movie is pretty good and I can actually see it being longer before I can see it being shorter. The battle scenes were some of the best I've seen in a movie yet were actually among the less interesting parts, and the scheming and strategizing and spying were actually more interesting, and the cast was generally excellent. (I don't think Lin Chi-Ling had quite the screen presence needed for Xiao Qiao, but more from inexperience than lack of ability. I actually can't help but think the role was written for Fan Bing Bing, or someone like her.) One of these days, I'll get aroun to reaing The Romance of Three Kingdoms or watching the recent series based on it, but the inevitable long stretches with no women in sight on't help with motivation.

The Runaways: Indie movie about Joan Jett and Cherie Currie when they were members of the rock band "The Runaways." Pretty good, though, though a bit heavy on the bad language and drug use for me. (Not a criticism, as it's pretty accurate to my understanding, and what I went in expecting.) I thought it did a particularly good job with it's portrayal of the music scene and rise and fall of musicians at the time, and especially thought Kristen Stewart did a good job with the androgynous screen presence.

Taken: Largely fun and fastpaced though sometimes iffy action movie that has Cuck levels of casting geekery. As in, Shannon from Lost is the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul and Jean Grey, her stepfather is Percy from Nikita, and her best friend is the original Ruby (and only one i saw) from Supernatural. I was somewhat in awe of the casting. Inescapable comparisons to Missing, which came along several years later, but I suspect helped enhnce my "Well, actually, modern human slavery isn't just something that happens to rich white American girls foolish enough to tell the first person that they meet that they're all alone in an unfamiliar city..."

Underworld: Awakening: A somewhat bad movie that is fabulous because it has lots of Kate Beckinsale in pleather, shooting things and badass little girls and fun tropes with a side of women bonding (often over corpses they just created). I mean, If you didn't watch the first 2 (the 3rd is a separate matter) for Kate Beckinsale in pleather, shooting things, I'm not sure what you got out of it. (Mind you, if you take out the first 6 minutes of flashbacks and infodumping and the last 10 minutes of credits, you have about 75 minutes of a plot that's pretty much Selene Doing Violent Stuff with stuff to justify it.) Also, Dyson from Lost Girl is there as a scary evil werewolf. I figure his agent heard they were looking for a scary werewolf prone to ripping off his clothes and sent some footage over. Inevitable sequel, please do not be set 10~ years later and pair Eve and David.

The Warring States: A 2011 movie set in China's "Warring States" era, focusing on Sun Bin and his role in the conflict between the Qi and Wei kingdoms. A bit hit and miss in places but overall enjoyable for most of the movie. I think I preferred the first half, which was largely taken up by Sun Bin's attempts to court a rather violent and temperamental enemy commander, (First scene: She leads an army into battle. Second scene: She executes captured enemy soldiers. Third scene: Her army has been infiltrated and she singlehandedly takes down a few dozen enemy soldiers on foot. Most of the courtship consists of her attacking him anytime the awkward courting results in the stirring of icky feelings.) but the second half had major highlights too, particularly everything involving and leading up to a jailbreak. The costumes, fight/battle scenes and acting were all good, but nothing incredibly original. Worth watching, but warning for a long period of torture towards the middle.

Yeh Vaada Rada: Wonderfully cheesy and cracky 80s Bollywood mmovie about an unsuitable young singer who is disfigured in a car accident, after which her (rich heir to a corporation) boyfriend is told she's dead and proceeds to grow and emo beard and spend months mooning over a 5 foot tall snapshot of her. And then she returns with a new face after plastic surgery but thinks he's moved on. The first part was kind of meh but entertaining, but from the plastic surgery onward it was a blast. I am especially fond of the cheesy sound effects, especialy the OMG SUSPENSEFUL horror movie music that played in her operations and whenever someone saw her after the accident.

My transcription of the dialogue from a scene in Bekhudi. The less-than-perfect translation gets more awkward without the pauses and dramatic music, not to mention her gestures and stalking up to people to confront them, but you get the picture:

Radhika: “I want to ask you something. Have you ever seen any girl being raped? You can see it today. You can see how I am getting raped…that too, in front of my parents.”

Radhika’s Daddy: “What are you saying?” (not a direct quote because I forgot to snag it, but it‘s pretty close)

Radhika: “Isn’t physical force used on a girl called rape? By marrying me against my wish, you are getting me raped.”

Radhika’s Mommy: “We are getting you married for your own good!”

Radhika: “No Mother, you are getting me married for your happiness. You want to hold a corpse and carry out the rituals! You want to adorn a corpse and call her a bride!”

Radhika’s Auntie Who Megan Rather Adored Most of the Time: “Radhika, stop it!”

Radhika: “Auntie, a marriage takes place for the happiness of the couple. Did you think of my happiness? I will be forced to sit there…the rituals will be carried out and I will be blessed…but what is the point of the rituals which are not meant? What is the point of your blessings when I won’t be happy? Priest, start the mockery of the rituals and light my funeral pyre!”

(You have no idea how many times I've encountered a plot with a woman being forced to marry for whatever reason, and wanted some of that to be said.)

So, has Kajol ever not played a character that vaguely resembles a bulldozer?

So, the movie was slow but cheesy and entertaining in the first half, then a fabulously emo and cheesy rollercoaster after the Plot Development of Doom. And then had that scene.

Some day, I'll actually watch a 90s Bollywood that doesn't have Kajol. probably.

1. I was going to start this with “first and foremost, where is this week’s Lost Girl?” but it finally showed up a little while ago, if way later than usual. I actually just got around to watching ep 8 on Sunday, and haven’t seen ep 9 yet, but having it is the most important part! Speaking of ep 8, I rather hope the Villain of the Week doesn’t reappear, though he’s certain too. He bugged me on multiple levels, not the least of which was that it was like watching Damon Salvatore try to impersonate Jack Sparrow. Actually, despite certain good parts, that episode was one I could do without altogether.

Incidentally, though the character has not (to my knowledge) appeared since the first episode (though she has been mentioned a few times) I will be deeply saddened if the Morrigan is not Bo’s mother, aunt, or grandmother. Or somehow related. If she is not related to Bo, I demand she be the goddess. Slumming.

2. It is entirely possible that I am being stalked by “The Magic Flute.” Shortly after posting on the 2 versions I recently watched, I read Julia Quinn’s latest book* where the characters go to watch it at the opera and the hero…almost quotes me regarding Pamina and Tamino’s Epic Love. Then, while traveling to visit my brother and his family last weekend, I was browsing radio stations on the highway and settled on a classical music station…then realized it was playing instrumentals from “The Magic Flute.” And then I was flipping through one of Eva Ibbotson’s YA romances (though they were originally published as general fiction, I believe) and realized the heroine was involved with a company putting on a production of “The Magic Flute”!

3. I am rewatching the first Fairies of Liao Zhai arc with some of the usual suspects, though not the usual combination of the usual suspects, and while I’ve always noticed that this director likes deeply saturated colors, Hu Ge, friendships of all sorts, melodrama, crack, and Doom, I think part of why I always start something of his assuming that I’ll love it is that he always has lots of women (not unusual for wuxia) but also that his shows are more willing to give them flaws and acknowledge the flaws, but also still expect us to like them. I actually can’t think of any of his female characters that didn’t seem to be written with the expectation that the audience would like her and find her interesting, even if the actual character sometimes mostly just one time isn’t as fun as written. (Also, rewatching is letting me appreciate the clothes more. OMG the clothes.)

4. Is Undercovers gone forever? I thought there were a few more eps left to air!

5. Nikita and Vampire Diaries being on hold is reminding me of why I don’t often watch shows until they’re finished/the season is complete/there are DVDs. The breaks are traumatic! (Purely in the fannish sense.)

This is particularly bad with Vampire Diaries as I am prone to theorizing there, and fantasizing about what the future may bring. My head may have spun epic plot arcs about the Bennett witches, Caroline and Tyler having supernatural adventures, and Meredith having a hugely important role in which she is still Hispanic, does not die, does not hook up with Alaric, because he’s older here and I like him with Jenna even though I’m annoyed they aren’t having her do much outside of that this season, and I know the show will give me none of these. Ok, maybe Caroline and Tyler having supernatural adventures. It also gave me time to ponder.

( series spoilers )But! Breaks in airing! Trauma! Though I may try watching the currently airing kdrama Secret Garden a few weeks behind as it comes out, once there are a few more subbed eps. It worked fairly well for me with Chuno, and it’s Ha Ji Won and Hyun Bin switching bodies. Err…their characters switching bodies. I have yet to see Hyun Bin in anything, but Ha Ji Won is my favorite Korean actress, and the star of 2 of my 3 favorite kdramas.

6. Out of curiosity, is there much Bollywood fandom on LJ/DW, or is that fandom basically the people I already follow? I know there’s a pretty good sized English language fan base for Bollywood, but I get the impression that it’s like wuxia, where most English language fandom centers around the forums of a few websites.

*Which was a fun book, but I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a single character who wasn’t landed gentry or upper class. Like, I know Julia Quinn basically singlehandedly made super-windowdressing Regency Historicals the norm and created scores of copies (but she’s usually fun so we usually forgive her, except the one “no, JQ, men can so be raped too!” book) but that was a bit much. Also, the hero coped with his angst by writing gothic novels, and lives to encounter his fans, who all think he’s a woman hidden out in the country or something. I’m pretty sure he’s one of the guys who annoyed me in Quinn’s last book, but he was fun here.

I popped over to Netflix's website to see if they were sending me anything this weekend, and saw that I should be getting the Bollywood movie Hameshaa today. From the descriprtion, I basically registered "Kajol! Reincarnation! Want!" Exploring youtube for musical numbers (I've found that they generally are a good determiner for whether or not I'll like the movie itself, and nicely-nonspoilery) I discovered this one, which is practically cosplay for almost every highly romanticized era ever.



It is so...so...I love it madly and would seriously watch the movie just for caps of that! But warn me now if it will traumatize me!

In addition to Venture Bros.*, telophasehad us watch** a Bollywood movie called Aabra Ka Daabra.  It blatantly rips off both Harry Potter and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and there were various other rips throughout.  I will not go into great detail because these posts of telophase's do it so much better.  The only character name I remember is Arby, the villainess.  Though I think bollywood!Harry's name was very similar to a whale's.  Anyway!  Using HP names...

Harry is a smug little twit, and possibly the most Gary Stu to ever Gary Stu.  He's so annoying and perfect and gets everything so right on the first try that I started rooting for Malfoy the second he appeared.  Malfoy also had different highlights in his hair in every scene.  Ron and Hermione were both girls who had no personality and started following Harry around for no apparent reason.  In think the subs confused their names, too.  The menu has this little ghost (Tu Tu?) that goes around waving it's wand, but the result is that it looks like it's urinating on the menu as it goes across.  Somehow, I think every single person at Hogwarts was a vital, important person from Harry's father's past.  Also, there was a scene where priests (rachelmanijatold me the proper name, but I am a very bad person and forgot it) randomly did a song and dance number on a giant statue of Shiva.  She tells me that that was the equivalent of Christian priests randomly singing and dancing on a giant statue of Jesus in an otherwise100% Christian movie.  I was too busy boggling at the dancing priests to be properly scandalized, I'm afraid.

All this is just the tip of the iceberg.  Go click the link above.

ETA:  I forgot to mention that the movie was in 3-D.  This means that the people looked normal, but unless you put on the glasses, the backgrounds were all funny looking.  This actually added all sorts of levels of awesomeness.  it was apparently the first 3-D movie in India.




*I was shown 3 episodes out of order and thought they were very fun.  Will likely watch more.  I think my favorite characters were Brock, Dr. Girlfriend, and Dr. Orpheus(Morpheus?) and his daughter.

**When I say "watch" I mean she turned it on and basically made us promise to actually look at the screen a few times.  I saw about 2/3s of it, and it was disgustingly easy to follow, even while I kept getting distracted by the masses of lovely books and manga that covered half the walls.

So that is a Bollywood movie.  *pokes it with a stick*

I find your tendency to randomly break out into song and dance rather disconcerting in an historical epic and your hero's tendency to randomly have a nosebleed for no apparent reason rather odd.  Despite what little I know of his history telling me he'd live for quite a while, I kept expecting it to be revealed that he had a deadly illness that would suddenly cause him to dramatically and tragically die.   But mostly, we are good.

Asoka is about an Indian king by the same name who had an extremely violent and bloody early life, but is better known for casting aside all those nasty violent things and leading through peace and buddhism for a few decades after he cut a bloody swath through India.  The movie focuses of the superviolent part of his life, ending with the "peace is good" revelation.

I admit, the first 25 or so minutes, I was really, really bored.  Maybe it's because I know squat about the history and politics of the times, so everything beyond the obvious meant little to me, but it just seemed...dull.  Normally I like politics in my fiction.  In fact, part of the reason I like period dramas so much is because they tend to have interesting political maneuverings and hijinks to spice things up, but here, they just...didn't interest me.  I though Asoka was basically a cocky braggart whose only real redeeming quality was that he could back it up(and he was a mama's boy, and mama's boy's who can still be badasses are a good thing...like Kougaiji) and found his feuding with his brothers over who would succeed the throne to be dull.  But I had been promised things like bloodlust and enemies as lovers and more bloodlust and war elephants(which there need to be more of) and "my true love is dead" bloodlust and screaming ash smeared face angst and more battlefield reunions(almost but not quite...but we'll let that slide) and other such fun things, so I remained strong.

Finally Asoka's mother was more stubborn than he was Asoka left the court and exited the competition to be king because his mother was more stubborn than him because his mother, fearing his death, took a vow of silence that would only be broken if he left palace life.  She was a very stubborn woman and he never stood a chance.  

So off he went, travelling the roads anonymously as Pawan, an out of work soldier, until he met Kaurwaki, a princess of a nearby kingdom who, along with her younger brother, Arya, and her father's general, Bheema, was fleeing the assassins.  There was spying on bathing and rescueing from assassins and adventures and sword lessons and winning her heart through bonding with her brother and disapproval from the general(who I suspect had a thing for Kaurwaki) and all that fun stuff that lures you into the happy comfy shippy place before sending it all to *hem*.

Then he received word that his mother was ill and, when he got back from checking on her(she was fine, just needed a plot contrivance to separate Asoka from Kaurwaki and Arya wanted to make sure he was still a mama's boy), the village where he had left Kaurwaki and Arya had been burned down and he was told they were dead.  Cue angst and smearing ash on his face and screaming angst and bloodlust.  Asoka sets off on a bloody rampage to unite all India and brood over his Lost Love in his downtime, while Kaurwaki sets off looking for him...except she's looking for a normal soldier named Pawan, not Prince Asoka.

All in all, despite the boring politics(which, surprisingly, stayed boring even when the rest got better)  I liked it.  The story(though even I could tell they were taking liberties) was interesting, as were Asoka and Kaurwaki.  I also really liked Devi, or Lost Love Recovery Girl, who fared much better in the end than I expected(I was expecting her to die to add to Asoka's angst or turn evil, not to be able to break free, something I don't think anyone can really blame her for, all things considered.)  It also had a fair bit of impressive imagery, especially all the bloody hands, and some amazing fight scenes, for something that didn't involve wirework(and still pretty impressive anyway.)

My only complaint is that it feels like I either only watched part one, or the movie ended 30 minutes too early.  Even with my limited knowledge, I know the whole point of Asoka's story is that he spent so much of his bloody life in violence, but became a man who led by, and is remembered for, peace.  Stopping the movie just as he realizes that he'd become a monster and switches to peace felt like it was ending midclimax...it was building to the payoff...and stopped, had a voiceover, and started the end credits.  Even though it was already about as long as I can handle a movie being, I felt there should have been more.

Also, it is a very pretty movie and I would link to telophase's screencaps, but I apparently forgot to bookmark it when she linked me a while back.

I think I am cautiously open for Bollywood recs...as long as they don't ALL randomly break into unexplained nosebleeds...I'm pretty sure the random song and dance routines make more sense when it's not being a serious historical epic.  Two that've been mentioned that I think I'm interested in are Main Hoon Na(mob bodyguard undercover as student and falls for his teacher) and one whose title I do not recall, but that has effectively been described as "Bollywood does Harry Potter."

Also, for a pregnant woman, Devi had an amazingly flat and trim tummy.  I am possibly in awe of her tummy. 

ETA:  telophase's picspams are here and here.  Looking at them, I am reminded of how inappropriately it cracked me up when Kaurwaki collapses and one point, and there's this severed leg a ew inches from her face.