Of Swords and Parasols

I have spent the last 2 weeks ripping through Asian movies in my Netflix queue and that I have DLed. A couple have been DLed so long that they now have US releases. Whoops?

Bodyguards and Assassins (China): Set in 1905, this is about a group of people, many with no previous ties, working to stop a group of assassins during a trip of Sun Wen’s to Hong Kong to meet with fellow revolutionaries. The first hour-and-a-bit is devoted to setting up the politics and introducing the 15-or-more major characters. The last 50 minutes is nonstop action (aka, what most viewers probably signed up for-it takes a while to deliver, but it delivers) that makes Hong Kong’s streets look like Godzilla paid a visit. As roughly 80% of the fictional cast dies, they are given the “Person from place was born in this year and died in this year” treatment that characters often get in period films to let us know this was totally a real person. Am I evil if that was one of my favorite parts? At one point, Leon Lai takes on about 30 men armed with nothing but a metal fan, long, flowing hair, and Wuxia Angst. (The movie is not wuxia, but his angst is Wuxia Angst.) I may need to investigate more Leon Lai films. Also, the movie made me want a period film with a Donnie Yen/Fan Bing Bing pairing.

( trailer here )

Coweb (China): if you are looking for a movie with a complex plot, deep characterization, and breathtaking scenery, this is not the movie for you. If you are looking for a movie about almost nothing but a teeny woman using awesome martial arts skills to kick butt for 90 minutes is a mostly non-fetishized way (unless your fetishes run towards women in business suits and women who take on an entire movie’s worth of henchmen armed with nothing but a pink hoodie and nunchucks. Which they might.) then this is the movie for you. Yiyi is a security officer who is offered a job as a rich couple’s bodyguard. Then the couple gets kidnapped and she tears up the rest of the movie looking for them, going through about 5 movies worth of bad guys along the way. It is awesome. Have darkeyedwolf 's picspam.

( trailer here )

The Divine Weapon (Korea): She is a smart and serious scientist devoted to perfecting her father’s formula for rocket-like projectile arrows. He is a snarky badass warrior merchant. Together, they fight crime biker a lot and create 15th century Korean Weapons of Mass Destruction to evict the forces of Ming China from Joseon Korea. Somehow, I managed stumble across a serious Korean historical epic in which both romantic leads survive and they end up happy, together, and planning to get married. I was not aware such a thing existed. Lots of interesting history, though I honestly don’t know how accurate it is-I suspect there was some fudging with the Singjijeon but my limited knowledge of Korean history is mostly set after this-and medieval science, and some pretty good action. Especially the final battle. Speaking of which, on the one hand, I’m obviously annoyed that Hong-Li basically spent the final leg of the rebellion and the final battle in a cage, but at the same time, the success relied almost entirely on her weapons, and I suspect partly her strategy, too. Fun flick.

( trailer here )

An Empress and the Warriors (China): The first 15 minutes of this established that China knows the way into my heart and soul by setting up a story with a princess who has to take over a kingdom at war after her father’s murder. Assistant numero uno is a general who is Sekritly In Love With (For Years) the princess and expresses his love by telling men who are bickering over what man to put on the throne to stuff it because she’s the best, and then proceeds to train her to be the most badass thing this side of, well, him. And then she actually leads armies into battle! Wearing armor without conveniently sculpted breasts! The movie lost some momentum by inserting a romance between the now-Empress and a mysterious forest dweller, though. (Note: Generals/bodyguards/assassins Sekritly In Love With princesses/heiresses/queens/ladies have about a 60% chance of it being onesided, and about a 95% chance of dying.) Not enough to deter from my overall enjoyment, but I found it a bit dull, and it seemed to be there mostly because apparently wars and rebellions aren’t enough conflict for female leads, they need romantic problems as well. Also, she’s the only woman in the entire movie? I mean, most of it does take place either on the battlefield or in the forest, but I don’t think I even spotted any extras. Which is an annoyance that reared its head a number of times. But she dodges arrows! And poisoned darts! Leads armies! Grabs a spear and jams it through her opponent’s head when he has her pinned down. Also, at one point, Donnie Yen (the general) takes on an entire army. Because he’s Donnie Yen, and just that badass.

( trailer here )

Evil Twin (Korea): This is, I think, only my second Korean horror movie, the first being The Legend of Evil Lake, though I’m not sure if that was actually horror, or just had horror elements due to the ghost. Set in the Joseon period, twin sisters-one who was sweet and everyone loved, and one who was cruel and decided unloved-fell into a lake. Hyo-Jin, the “good” twin drowned, while So-Hyon, the “bad” twin lived, but spent ten years in a coma. When she wakes up, she has amnesia and falls in love with the man who was in loves with Hyo-Jin when they were children, and Hyo-Jin’s ghost returns and starts doing nasty grudge things. One of the twists was fairly easy to spot early on, but not another, but I don’t think it detracted from the movie. There were some things I wasn’t sure about (particularly how straight the Light/Dark Heroine aspect was being played) but I think the ending made it all pay off.

( trailer here )

Ichi (Japan): A blatant sendup to both the Zatoichi movies (which I haven’t seen) and Yojimbo (which I have seen), Ichi is about a blind, wandering swordswoman who is actually the daughter of Zatoichi, and who meets a samurai who is skilled, but unable to draw his sword due to Deep Childhood Angst, and they end up in a town where there’s a power struggle between a local gang and nearby bandits. The movie is fun and prettily shot and has some great fight scenes, but ends up being more about Ichi’s sidekick than Ichi most of the time, and we learn that Ichi became a wanderer to find her father after she was raped and kicked out of her home because of it. There were faily parts, but they were faily parts that I expected and just hoped wouldn’t be there for once, as opposed to something that was sprung on me.

( trailer here )

Jeon Woo Chi (Korea): The full title of this is Master Taoist Jeon Woo Chi, I believe. This is the movie that has a man running along the side of a wall, fending off a giant, armored rat with a whip. It also has a woman running along the tops of cars and firing arrows from a moving car, as well as men getting sucked into paintings. It has another woman picking up a car, and then putting it back down because throwing it just wouldn’t be interesting enough. This is also the movie where Kang Dong Won sports a ponytail, trenchcoat and fedora and poses atop buildings, leaps over cars, runs on wires, and flies. Woochi is a taoist wizard who spends more time playing pranks than anything else. Shortly after falling in love with a supposedly cursed widow, he gets trapped in a painting by the gods, only to be brought back to fight escaped monsters in modern times. Of course, he bears a bit of a grudge for the whole painting thing, and is often more interested in chasing after the reincarnated widow. I’m not quite sure what to make of the movie, but then, I’m not sure it knew what to make of itself either. The first part is a light period fantasy romp, the second part a light modern fantasy romp with a temporally displaced lead, and the last leg is a more serious, action-oriented supernatural flick that borders on taking itself seriously at times. Despite that and some slow bits, though, it was a very entertaining movie, and I really wish Kang Dong Won did more stuff. Like sageuks.

( trailer here )

Mulan (China) Live-action Mulan, people. Which should be self-explanatory? Not as awesome as hoped, but still pretty nifty, and considerably closer to history than the Disney version. But it needed more battle formations and battle strategies, and less romantic-wangsting. The romantic plotline started decent enough with Basara-like hot springs scenes and romantic declarations like asking your new BFF to burn your body if you die in battle so no one will learn you were really a woman breaking all kinds of laws by joining the army as a man. But then came wangst and mansplainin’ and Wentai faking his death when he’s severely wounded in battle, because worrying about him would upset her delicate womanly nerves too much. Actually, I’m trying to block that whole section of the movie. Also, while I love Zhao Wei, Chen Kun is kinda…a block of wood? Like, I look at him and think that someone looked at him with a checklist for “conventionally attractive Chinese male” and checked off everything and the end result was terribly blandly attractive? But they forgot to check his ability to, well, act. (Of course, it could just be that Zhao Wei’s awesome sucks the life right out of him. I have only seen him in two movies with her so far.) But! Epic battles! Crossdressing! Ladygeneral! Campy version of Gladiator’s villain! Random Russian singer wearing white fur! Have darkeyedwolf 's picspam.

( trailer here )

Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge (Japan): This is the touching love story of a boy who wants to die heroically who gives his true love a ride on his bicycle every day so she can combat a chainsaw-wielding killer who descends from the moon accompanied by gently-falling snow. Yes, you read that right. Yes, at least one of the writers seems to believe that this is, indeed, a serious, touching romance. Whose heroine decided she wasn’t going to be a victim and started walking around with throwing blades strapped to her leg, can fly, uses a chainsaw that’s trying to kill her when flipping, and battles a chainsaw with a mop. Yes, it is the glorious, badass crack you are imagining. At some point, it considers having a plot, or at least explaining things. But then it realized that that would take too much time away from asskicking and so it forgot to finish the plot. I doubt anyone cares. Have darkeyedwolf 's picspam.

( trailer here )

Queens of Langkasuka/Legend of the Tsunami Warrior (Thai): I include the annoying licensed title only because that’s what you’ll find it under at Netflix/DVD stores. Once upon a time, there was a supremely practical and badass queen. Everyone and their masked spouse wanted her throne, so she decided to get some cannons and blow them all out of the water, and sends her daughters to find the apprentice of a European cannon-maker who disappeared a while back. One daughter is kinda a younger version of the queen, only nicer and possibly prepping herself for a lifetime of Forbidden Love with a scarred bodyguard. The other is what happens when Xena and Disney’s Princess Jasmine have a kid. If they could have a kid. Hijinks ensue when they run into pirates, assassins, raiders, and an angsty sea rogue who breathes underwater and talks to fish. I am told large chunks are based on actual history. Presumably, not the guy who talks to fish. The first half is good but rather slow, but the second half is a blast. Have darkeyedwolf 's picspam.

( trailer here )

Raging Phoenix (Thai): A straight-up action flick with the actress from Chocolate playing an angry punk rocker who learns drunken kung-fu/hip hop fusion martial arts in order to take down a slavery ring specializing in pretty young girls. Her cohorts are unwashed alcoholics with angst. Her opponents include
Ninjas on pogo sticks with blades, drag queens (Thailand, I’m working on a very limited exposure here, but can we talk about that and your action movies?) sex traders, her teammates, and her liver. This is no Chocolate, and you must firmly disengage all but the “WTF? OMG DID SHE JUST…!” part of your brain, but it will do. Have darkeyedwolf 's picspam.

( trailer here )

Storm Warriors (China): This is a sequel to the movie Storm Riders a movie in which the wind violently musses Aaron Kwok’s mane and makes Ekin Cheng’s locks serenely flutter. At the same time. There’s also an evil master, men exploding out of waterfalls, tragic women, fun women, the exchanging of demon arms, people who crumble into dust if you touch them at the wrong time, best friends on opposite sides, and what would be a really fun pairing if the movie had, like, more than 5 seconds to spend on that. And fun fight scenes. In Storm Warriors the wind violently musses Aaron Kwok’s mane and makes Ekin Cheng’s locks serenely flutter. At the same time. There’s also an evil warlord, added Nic Tse, men exploding out of cave walls, people fighting over a dragon’s spine, men being possessed by evil spirits, and best friends on opposite sides. And way way awesome fight scenes. The women, sadly, mostly said “Wind” or “Cloud” a lot, depending on which they were in love with, and made a few heartfelt pleas, but they also actually had screen time together. Cloud is less interesting than in the first movie, but Wind is more interesting, so I suppose it balances itself out. There was also bonus Wuxia Doom. I am fond of Wuxia Doom, as long as it doesn’t result in the main character wandering ancient China with the entire rest of the cast dead.

( trailer here )

Incidentally, does anyone know if the first Wind & Cloud series is available with English subs anywhere? I know I can get the second online, but have never found the first.


The Sword With No Name (Korea): A highly-fictionalized movie about Empress Myongseong, a Joseon queen who attempted to limit Japan’s influence in Korea and strengthen other foreign ties. The movie focuses on her fictional relationship with a fictional mercenary who falls in love with her and joins the royal guards to be close to her. The movie is gorgeous, well acted, and well written, but as you may have guessed, the fact that the main focus was on a fictional guy’s angsty forbidden love and not on the real woman kept me from enjoying it as much as I would have otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, I liked him, and thought the romantic plotline was well done, I just wish it had been a supporting plotline to her life at court instead of the main focus with her policies and struggles at court in the background. Seung-Woo Cho also tries to take on an entire army. He is not as impressive at it as Donnie Yen, but that’s ok. Not everyone can be Donnie Yen.

( trailer here )

Wheat (China): Set in 3rd century China, this is about a village of whose husbands have left for war who mistake deserters from the enemy nation for their own soldiers, with neither the women nor the renegade soldiers knowing that the war ended just after the two men deserted. This is a very beautiful film, but it…doesn’t really seem to have a strong plot or message, and I’m not sure it really said anything beyond “war is awful.” Half the time, I think the plot was “Fan Bing Bing is breathtakingly gorgeous.” I mean, I’m totally behind that plot (it was the root of my initial interest) but I kinda needed either more meatiness to the plot or more action (despite the trailer, there’s very little action in the movie) to go with it. As it is, it’s a very lovely, well acted movie, but rather slow and without a lot to grab me.

( trailer here )

You may have noticed that I linked to darkeyedwolf 's posts a lot. This is because she has very convenient tags like “genre: dangerous ladies” and “genre: adventures in asskicking” that are quite beneficial.

Once Upon a Time is  an action/caper comedy set in 1944 Korea.  When the Japanese get ahold of a legendary diamond, two Koreans set out to get it for themselves.  One is Bong-bu, a con-artist, the other Choon-ja, a lounge singer who is also a burglar who has been robbing the Japanese blind so she can open her own Jazz bar in Russia.  She may think it's cute that he's been trying to win her over for months, but neither one is about to let that get in the way of their prize, though.  There's double crossings, fake torture, rescues, and witty repartee all over the place.  It's billed as a comedy, and is, but is played almost as a straight noir caper that fits the more serious subplot dealing with Korean rebels, and life in Korea at the time.  I'm not sure what all to say that isn't very, very spoilery, but it was very good and funny, the leads had great chemistry, and it had it's share of twists and was a good cat and mouse story between equals.  I'm not always big on con-artist/swindler characters and plots, especially with a romantic subplot(all to often, it ends up at least partly centering the con conning or planning to con the other party, and even though they generally get "redeemed," more often than not, I'm left with the feeling of a major power imbalance) but they usually work for me when it goes both ways.

Here, have the trailer:



And pics:



( more )

The Restless is a Korean movie about a vagrant swordsman named Yi-Gwak.  It sucks to be Yi-Gwak.  Observe:

1.  Yi-Gwak can see spirits.  When he sees the spirit of a young boy in his village, he tells his fiancee, So-Hwa.  So-Hwa tells the boy's mother, and she convinces her son to move on.  All is well, yes? WRONG!  The villagers decide that it's So-Hwa who can see spirits and burn her alive right in front of him.  For added angst, she's wearing her wedding clothes at the time.

2.  While scattering her ashes at the river, Yi-Gwak is approached by the commander of the Chuhyongdae, the Royal Demon Hunters, and invited into their ranks.  Soon, he becomes a master swordsman and their second in command, and is given a sword that can lay spirits to rest.  All is well, yes?  WRONG!  A while back, the commander's pregnant wife was raped by nobles, leading to her suicide.  When he thinks the time is right, the commander leads a raid on the palace, against Yi-Gwak's objections.  All the Chuyondae are wiped out save for Yi-Gwak.

3.  Yi-Gwak becomes a vagrant, and is branded an outlaw.  After saving a village from demons, the villagers drug his meal so they can collect the bounty on his head, and he flees to hide in the forest before the drug takes affect.  What gratitude.

4.  Yi-Gwak wakes up in Midheaven, the place between Earth and Heaven where souls go before moving on.  Except that he's not dead.  No, we aren't really told how he got to be there while still alive.  While he's still trying to figure that out, the city there is attacked.  During the fight he sees the Chuneen-a guardian of Midheaven, I assume I'd recognize the word if I were Korean-Yon-hwa, and realizes that she is actually So-hwa.  YAY!  Right?  WRONG!  Yon-hwa has no memories of her life on Earth.  That's ok, he'll just stare at her adoringly until it's time to fight again, even if she does kinda think he's nuts.

5.  BUT WAIT!  The guys who attacked Yon-hwa?  The Chuhyongdae, who want to take over Midheaven.  No, we don't know why, but they're doing a pretty good job of it.  First, though, they have to catch Yon-hwa, who has the spirit of the ruler of Midheaven in her keeping.

So, he's an outlaw, everyone he knows is dead, he's somehow stuck in the afterlife, his True Love has amnesia, and all his old buddies want to kill her, and are willing to go through him to get her, even if they will angst a lot over it.  But hey, what's all that and a few thousand demon ninjas in the face of True Love?  (Ok, fine, they aren't ninjas since they're Korean, but I don't know the proper term, so they're demon ninjas.)

Uhm, yeah.  So, crucial plot points mentioned above are never really explained, and a lot of the acting consists of staring(and not in the Jason Bourne "convey 5000 levels of angst in a single stare" way) and it's a superangstfest, but it's rather fun, has an interesting concept, great fights, and some interesting special effects(when people die in the afterlife, they disintegrate into what looks like paper burning to cinders.)  And, for all the it's a "true love angainst the universe" angstfest, it keeps the mush and melodrama under control. 

And now, pics.

Arahan is about an awesome girl with a sword, an ok guy with a sword who stole her show, ancient tao masters, a resurrected evil tao master with questionable fashion sense, magic tattoos, and awesome fights.

Basically, we have the Seven Tao Masters, who range age 50-70~ in looks, but are apparently much older. And there's only five of them. There used to be seven. I forget what happened to one, but the seventh broke the rules and interfered with normal humans to take out Evil Warlord, only to become corrupted by human desires and get locked in a crypt or something for centuries by his buddies. He comes back all old and wrinkly, but literally sucks the young out of a guy to become young and pretty. Then he starts wearing pinstriped clothing, accompanied by a long yellow coat with fake fur. Later, he adopts a black coat and red shirt, which is a vast improvement.

Meanwhile, one of the five remaining masters has a daughter, Awesome Heroine, who has killer fighting skills, superior(for the movie) fashion sense, and inexplicably works in a convenience store. She devotes her life to trying to keep the masters our of trouble and hunting down Evil Doers. While engaging in the latter, she accidentally beats the crud out of our hero, Dork Cop, with a chi blast. She takes him home so the five masters can patch him up, and they start training him when they realize he has super chi powers. He's ok and has decent fashion sense, but is far less worthy of being the main hero than Awesome Heroine. But it's a guys' action flick, so he has to be the main hero.

Swords are used as projectile weapons. Tattoos of Great Magical Importance hop from person to person. Chi makes things float. Collision of chi makes shirts fly off. But not pants. People literally shout and growl their emo at each other. Badassery is established by throwing a teacup with the speed of a bullet. Greater badassery is established by catching said teacup on the flat tip of your sword, spinning said sword around a bit, and then displaying the teacup spinning on the flat tip of the sword. People also travel by running across and leaping between rooftops, and run up and down the sides od skyscrapers.

My life is wholly unchanged, but I had great fun. Meanwhile, if i ever see the lead actress in something where she doesn't play an awesome fighter heroine, I won't know what to do. I had the same problem with Ha Ji Won...

I bring an MV with fights, gravity defying running, and villains with bad fashion sense.

I am watching a Korean martial arts flick named Arahan.  It is as cheesy as they come(in the fun way)  and features a heroine who can keep pace with a motorcycle on foot, leap between rooftops, run down the sides of skyscrapers, and catch switchblades midair and snap the blade barehanded.  She appears to be the keeper babysitter sole disciple of 5 elderly Tao masters who long for more victims students.  I am sure she will soon be playing second fiddle to the clumsy cop she brought home after he was injured trying to catch her criminal, as the Tao guys are fussing over his amazing yet untapped chi, but I shall enjoy this while it lasts.

It came to my attention today that Jung Woo-Sung from Musa is also the star of the recent The Restless, which apparently also have the same director as Musa. This has inspired me to do a picspam of JWS in the 2 movies(with trailers from both movies) for absolutely no reason but to post pictures of 2 korean wuxia movies.

 20x Handsome Siblings
7x Seven Swords
10x Shadowless Sword
23x Full Metal Alchemist*

*#60 contains a manga spoiler for a chapter that hasn't been released yet in the US, which is why it's on the very last row of icons.

Teasers:

   

Note to self: watching MVs makes you want to rewatch.  When its for a movie instead of a series, the need is worse...

A brief incentive for those who would be tempted by such things:

So, title aside, this is a pretty clean movie.  It's a romantic comedy about two players, Jin-Mun and Ji-Won, trying to play each other who end up falling for each other(pretty much--the ending is somewhat openended but indicates enough that I'm satisfied), and a reminded me quite a bit of  How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days(even has a scene where he cooks a delicious meal for her then she comes up with an excuse for why she can't eat it).  One thing that stood out that I liked was that they were both almost always aware of what the other was tryinbg to pull, and alternated between outdoing them and calling them on it(less of the second, though she gets him good at one point) Like 100 Days With Mr. Arrogant, it succeeds more as a comedy than as a romance, but I quite liked it.  And, on a purely shallow level, I watched it for Song Il Gook(Yum Moon in Emperor of the Sea) and it has him soaking wet for about twenty minutes and running around in the rain for a few bits of that.  Oh, and shirtless.  Yes, I'm shallow.



Now, oodles of pictures, some with commentary, mostly yoinked from soompi